Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Gibbs Suprise

9/28/2013 c10 Buckeye am I
You are really having the characters saying their bits, but not really making it clear who is "talking". All in one paragraph. There is several times I would say to myself, "why is Gibbs saying that". Only to realize that it is Krystal that is making a statement. (second to last paragraph has it bad.) It make the story a bit slower when you have to stop and figure out who is speaking.

Krystal had good ideas. Still need to find the connection with Vance. A DNA test would be nice. (Doesn't matter how much she looks or acts like her granny. Or what her granny said in a letter. Is she Gibbs grand kid?) Doesn't mean that Gibbs wouldn't care for her for the Granny's sake.

Krystal needs to take a chill pill. She could be right up one side and down the other. Doesn't mean she should be given a ticker tape parade. She needs to let the people who are in charge of the investigation work on her ideas. AND she only met Gibbs the day before.

But again, this is fan fiction. Things don't have to "real" or cannon.
9/27/2013 c4 Buckeye am I
Well, I just found this story.

First- I don't know. I think I would have a DNA test done first thing.

second- you wander around the Navy Yard without a pass? I should think NO WAY. The place is not city park.

Third- I can believe reading about non traditional stuff. Now, was she really bored and needed some reading material or is information she really shouldn't have?

But I also know this is fanfiction. Some things are done in stories that are not done in real life.
9/24/2013 c10 Lorelie-Grace
Interesting turn in the case! :)
9/24/2013 c10 17DS2010
I liked the connections Krystal made, I scary but I want her to be right and have Gibbs owe her one.
4/24/2013 c8 Lorelie-Grace
Great chapter! Love how Gibbs is so protective of krystal :)
2/27/2013 c7 Lorelie-Grace
Really good! Love the back story :)
2/11/2013 c6 DS2010
Something tells me there is more to Krystal then meets the eye.
2/11/2013 c6 Lorelie-Grace
Awww thanks for the mention! Great job so far :)
11/14/2012 c5 Lorelie-Grace
It was really good! Good luck on your exams :) and maybe more background on Krystal?
10/15/2012 c4 Lorelie-Grace
Loved it :) also I think there should be Tiva!
9/21/2012 c3 Lorelie-Grace
Really great chapter! Thanks for the mention there *blushes* :)
9/20/2012 c1 20simplygeeky
I like it. It has a good start to it and I cannot wait to see where it goes. :)
9/15/2012 c2 17DS2010
legal age is 18 in US
9/14/2012 c2 Lorelie-Grace
:D ninja kristal! I think they're adults at 18 but can drink at 21 :) Keep up the good work. P.S. I feel so special-I was mentioned! :)
9/14/2012 c1 Lorelie-Grace
It's really good! I can't wait to find out what happens next :)
18 Page 1 2 Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service