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2/25/2015 c3 Guest
Original et sympa, ça change des autres écrivains du genre. Tu es canadien ? J'ai vu des expressions tournées différemment qu'en Français.
Effectivement, ton texte date, mais j'aimerais bien savoir la suite, ça m'intrigue un peu et je me demande si Light va finir par sombrer du côté Lycan ou pas. Et voir jusqu'où le Flight va aller ! :D
J'espère que tu liras c'est quelques lignes ! Au plaisir de te lire :3
1/2/2013 c3 La soeur
Je me fais vraiment pas à l'idée de Fang et Light ... mais t'écris bien le frère ...et mon opinion sur toi ne change pas ;)
11/21/2012 c3 Guest
après des heures de souffrances je me dit si ce texte pitoyable serait la réincarnation de la vrai merde au sens propre ... alors toi auteur qui n'a pas de but dans la vie

reprend toi dans le chapitre 4 ou sinon le pire se produira...
11/11/2012 c2 1capriciously quixotic
I hope you don't mind me writing this review in english, for while reading generally poses less of a problem for me, writing in french is difficult, and I want to make sure my message isn't misunderstood.

So here's what I think: This is an enjoyable story, with characterisation that's believable (although I do personally prefer more of a touch of humor with Sazh), and I'll admit being biased enough to add a few extra points for the subtle FLight.

I was a little confused initially about the setting, whether it was canon or an alternate universe, but since you cleared that up in the notes, that's a minor point.

What really sets this back, I think, may be that it's not fitting properly into any genre. You've marked it as crime/mystery, but chapter 1 seems more like an action oriented drama crossed with supernatural and with bits of mystery thrown in. Chapter 2 is where most of the crime/mystery elements enter, but here, the potential tension between the characters isn't being made full use of - the uncertainty, the suspicion, the fear that could destabilize this close group.

Also, a crime/mystery story needs more compelling clues and misdirections. Lightning's encounter is only one, the rest need stronger reasons for being suspects. For example, if the virus is so contagious, and any one of them who came into contact with Light could have been affected, that would suggest a high likelihood of all of them contracting the virus. The process of elimination they underwent in finding the killer was better, but rather too convenient and doesn't require any real deduction.

But I should leave a caveat here, I haven't gotten round to reading the third chapter, and perhaps there may be other surprises in store for me then that contradicts my earlier thoughts, and if so, you can probably ignore them. However, since the crime seems to have been solved already, I would suggest changing the genre to something that would suit the story more (or tweaking the story to suit it). As it is, it seems to be trying too hard to be everything.

Cheers, and keep writing.
10/6/2012 c3 Morgane
Oh mon dieu tu n'as eu aucun commentaire pour ta fic comment ca se fait ? Ton histoire est fabuleuse je l'adoree meme si je viens de la decouvrir aujourd'hui je n'aurai jamais cru que sa serai Hope qui fesait tout sa et ce petit moment entre Fang et Ligthing etait merveilleux je l'aime bien et j'attendrai la suite de ta fic

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