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for A Rift In Time

10/14/2016 c2 13blackbelt256
Fucking terrible
2/14/2013 c1 7The Canadian Patriot
first off waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy yyyyy to short.
1/31/2013 c2 The Canadian Patriot
like it say's in the review of To Find a Mate, there is waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy to little detail, also, when I looked at your other stories I saw that you made a separate fanfic just to describe you character Will, you shouldn't need an individual fanfic to describe your characters, they should be described in the story the're partaking in. what you don't realize is that some readers will be looking at one of your skyrim crossover stories for the very first time and won't have an idea who will is and who you are. But as I also said in my review of To Find a Mate this has a lot of potential and that potential needs to be realized, there are infant ways the story can play out from hear, keep writing and never let anybody push you down, the main idea is good but the execution is poor, that's all that's wrong, detail and execution, if anybody tells you that the story sucks just go and PUNCH THEM IN THE THROAT, this is a fan fiction website, where we are allowed to warp and change the stories and franchises we love into different things that we like, I suggest that you bring some of your stories down, re-write, and re-post. ( if you do re-post send me a message)
12/18/2012 c2 C
It's spelt Murtagh.
11/28/2012 c1 Guest
morrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrre plez
10/2/2012 c2 Guest
MAKE MORE and have longer paragraphs
9/28/2012 c2 Guest
will there be more there is hardly anything :(
9/23/2012 c2 1Kazrack
please continue
9/5/2012 c2 halo fan
I love this x-over! Please continue it! Is the dragon born competent with magic in your story? or is he solely warrior based?
9/5/2012 c2 fusrodafus
very good so far (hurry up with the next chap Or u get FUS RO DAHed
8/29/2012 c2 27Master of The Blood Wolves
DO NOT. Under any circumstances. Use multiple 1st person viewpoints.
They're an amatuer's hallmark and very confusing to follow.
You've skimping badly on detail as well.
Again, don't do that. Show, don't tell.
You say that your Khajhiit summoned Arvak. Don't assume that everyone reading this knows who or what Arvak is.

And with your coding system for shouts\talking\yelling\thinking:
The shout coding is a good idea, the rest isn't, it's just the lazy way out of describing how the character is talking and the 1st person viewpoints you're doing don't help, because the IC characters are very strange in their descriptions there.
If you look at the series, you'll see a lot of them actually do think their actions through.
Except Eragon when he's making one of his famous dick-moves.

I'm sorry, but to me, this needs major improvement.
8/23/2012 c2 T-B-R
interesting story idea, not horribly written, but way to quick in execution, you just slammed stuff together that should have taken time, as well as mashing out details.
8/5/2012 c1 Hrothgar Heavenlight
Hard to told, it's too short. Write more and then more reviews come.

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