for Unfinished5/17/2018 c18 Bored321
Well, that was honestly less horrific than I thought it'd be. The torture itself didn't go into too much detail, and Oro actually put him under the majority of the time. Pleasantly surprising.
Story needed scenes breaks when changing scenes or Povs, it made it difficult to immerse myself.
Oro's tagged as a main character, but he barely shows up. He's not even that influential; with the way he was treated, Naruto was destined to blow up. If anything, Naruto’s true influence is less obvious (though Kabuto makes for a good contender).
OC was interesting, though I doubt Sasuke would be that bothered by someone managing to match him. I liked Jiraiya's characterization. Tsuande’s could have used more work. If she was indeed forcibly instated as Hokage, it should’ve show off on her attitude a lot more. It wouldn't be long before finding out that it’s a terrible idea to appoint a vehemently unwilling person as your head huncho.
Naruto getting brought down so easily was lame. What was Oro doing all the years? Holding back or not, he should've demolished several city blocks. The second he'd been hit with enough force to knock him unconscious, he should've gone all out.
Naruto's remarkably well-adjusted for being tortured for three years straight. If he'd woken up tied down like that, literally everyone in that room would be dead. He'd probably take it the next level and level the entire building.
Seriously, he'd be having flashbacks so bad, it'd make a PTSD-induced psychotic episode look tame. Kyuubi's chakra would be manifested like never before.
Speaking of, for claiming to have a decent relationship between the two of them, it’s never actually shown. They fire shots so often it comes as animosity than anything else. I'm not excepting Canon!Kyuubi here (Carebear-Kyuubi), but I didn't see anything pointing to mutual respect.
It’s highly doubtful that Tsunade would straight up tell Naruto to his face that she's intending to keep him prisoner. Sure, she's blunt, but she's a doctor; you don't tell someone left to Oro's tender mercies for over three years that you're fully intending to ensure they never leave the 20 square miles that is Konoha. How do you think, a walking WMD, would react to that?
To put bluntly, I hate this rendition Sarutobi. It’s well within his power to completely put a halt to any negative treatment to Naruto. Sabotaging his education, public beatings, medical torture... It’s made all the worse by Hiruzen actually stepping in, and yet doing little to stop such acts from transpiring in the first place. At-least if he never intervenes one can assume that he's legitimately not aware of Naruto being beaten to near death on a regular basis.
So to see him reach out to hug Naruto, have the latter of which start sobbing and collapse into his arms ("So cliche"), and to not, say, call him out for his neglect all those years is rather frustrating to say the least – and this is coming from someone who likes that exact scenario.
All in all, interesting enough of a read. Could definitely use some refinement (if Sarutobi died in the original, then the bastard should’ve stayed dead), but what story can’t?
Well, that was honestly less horrific than I thought it'd be. The torture itself didn't go into too much detail, and Oro actually put him under the majority of the time. Pleasantly surprising.
Story needed scenes breaks when changing scenes or Povs, it made it difficult to immerse myself.
Oro's tagged as a main character, but he barely shows up. He's not even that influential; with the way he was treated, Naruto was destined to blow up. If anything, Naruto’s true influence is less obvious (though Kabuto makes for a good contender).
OC was interesting, though I doubt Sasuke would be that bothered by someone managing to match him. I liked Jiraiya's characterization. Tsuande’s could have used more work. If she was indeed forcibly instated as Hokage, it should’ve show off on her attitude a lot more. It wouldn't be long before finding out that it’s a terrible idea to appoint a vehemently unwilling person as your head huncho.
Naruto getting brought down so easily was lame. What was Oro doing all the years? Holding back or not, he should've demolished several city blocks. The second he'd been hit with enough force to knock him unconscious, he should've gone all out.
Naruto's remarkably well-adjusted for being tortured for three years straight. If he'd woken up tied down like that, literally everyone in that room would be dead. He'd probably take it the next level and level the entire building.
Seriously, he'd be having flashbacks so bad, it'd make a PTSD-induced psychotic episode look tame. Kyuubi's chakra would be manifested like never before.
Speaking of, for claiming to have a decent relationship between the two of them, it’s never actually shown. They fire shots so often it comes as animosity than anything else. I'm not excepting Canon!Kyuubi here (Carebear-Kyuubi), but I didn't see anything pointing to mutual respect.
It’s highly doubtful that Tsunade would straight up tell Naruto to his face that she's intending to keep him prisoner. Sure, she's blunt, but she's a doctor; you don't tell someone left to Oro's tender mercies for over three years that you're fully intending to ensure they never leave the 20 square miles that is Konoha. How do you think, a walking WMD, would react to that?
To put bluntly, I hate this rendition Sarutobi. It’s well within his power to completely put a halt to any negative treatment to Naruto. Sabotaging his education, public beatings, medical torture... It’s made all the worse by Hiruzen actually stepping in, and yet doing little to stop such acts from transpiring in the first place. At-least if he never intervenes one can assume that he's legitimately not aware of Naruto being beaten to near death on a regular basis.
So to see him reach out to hug Naruto, have the latter of which start sobbing and collapse into his arms ("So cliche"), and to not, say, call him out for his neglect all those years is rather frustrating to say the least – and this is coming from someone who likes that exact scenario.
All in all, interesting enough of a read. Could definitely use some refinement (if Sarutobi died in the original, then the bastard should’ve stayed dead), but what story can’t?
4/7/2018 c18 Lonewolf1836
Seems this story was rushed to be finished oh well i also expected it to be darker like maybe killing the shinobi to run off the village. yukiko i think well we dint get closure for her, what was iwa doing in the land of fire, orochimaru were is he? And many more questions left unanswered
Seems this story was rushed to be finished oh well i also expected it to be darker like maybe killing the shinobi to run off the village. yukiko i think well we dint get closure for her, what was iwa doing in the land of fire, orochimaru were is he? And many more questions left unanswered
10/11/2016 c18 ki gilgamesh
this story is fucking pathetic
this story is fucking pathetic
2/8/2016 c13 Guest
Yesss! SasuxNaru!
Yesss! SasuxNaru!
1/5/2016 c18 TigrezzTail
Hm, so you have to wonder if the ANBU that became angry was reacting Tsunade or Danzo. And yeah, that was certainly a roller coaster of emotions. I do like how a simple hug did seem to ground him for a time. I'm curious about how he'll respond to Tsunade.
Hm, so you have to wonder if the ANBU that became angry was reacting Tsunade or Danzo. And yeah, that was certainly a roller coaster of emotions. I do like how a simple hug did seem to ground him for a time. I'm curious about how he'll respond to Tsunade.
1/5/2016 c18 thor94
interesting chapter
danzo is a bastard, naruto should tell that root is still full operating despite the disbanding order.
so look like sarutobi finally used his brain about true face of villagers (a bunch of hypocritical jinchuriki haters)
interesting chapter
danzo is a bastard, naruto should tell that root is still full operating despite the disbanding order.
so look like sarutobi finally used his brain about true face of villagers (a bunch of hypocritical jinchuriki haters)
12/4/2015 c18 
9Bomahe
Great story, but do you know how disappointing to see that stuff is finally happening and then the next chapter is just a notice!? Don't do that to your readers.
Back to what I liked about this. You made Sakura and Sasuke likeable and had them change due to Naruto's disappearance. No inclusion of canon material we've heard 100 times before.
However I'm not very fond of Fūinjutsu as playing any role in a story, as it seems to be way too powerful and begs the question about why it isn't used more. Also a smart Naruto is also taking away bits that makes him Naruto. It's like a non-perverted Jiraiya or Sakura/Tsunade without anger issues. That being said, I liked the moment where Naruto's lack of intelligence is blatantly obvious.
And I liked the last scene. Especially how Jiraiyas first reaction to seeing his lost Godson is scribbling down how he can incorporate him into his smut.
I hope it doesn't take too long getting a new chapter. Sure there might be some improvements needed, but not any that suggest a rewrite already.
9BomaheGreat story, but do you know how disappointing to see that stuff is finally happening and then the next chapter is just a notice!? Don't do that to your readers.
Back to what I liked about this. You made Sakura and Sasuke likeable and had them change due to Naruto's disappearance. No inclusion of canon material we've heard 100 times before.
However I'm not very fond of Fūinjutsu as playing any role in a story, as it seems to be way too powerful and begs the question about why it isn't used more. Also a smart Naruto is also taking away bits that makes him Naruto. It's like a non-perverted Jiraiya or Sakura/Tsunade without anger issues. That being said, I liked the moment where Naruto's lack of intelligence is blatantly obvious.
And I liked the last scene. Especially how Jiraiyas first reaction to seeing his lost Godson is scribbling down how he can incorporate him into his smut.
I hope it doesn't take too long getting a new chapter. Sure there might be some improvements needed, but not any that suggest a rewrite already.
12/2/2015 c7 Blacksun
Free as a bird a cyber bird... Sorry about that it was the only thing going through my head great story love you're writing interesting concept as well
Free as a bird a cyber bird... Sorry about that it was the only thing going through my head great story love you're writing interesting concept as well