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2/4 c25 Kevin B. Warner
Other than Picard's manner towards Geordi, the only other point I would mention is skirmish-ranges. While Star Wars battles occur with 13,000 km range, Star Trek can engage in combat at more than 350,000 km ranges. I can't understand why Federation vessels would exchange fire at "point-blank" ranges. I could mention much more (such as an internal explosion of the core [a Fusion device] blowing up a ship while an Anti-Matter explosion seems to weaken shields and knock off chunks of bulkhead) I feel better at least getting that "off my chest", so to speak!
2/4 c5 Guest
"Looks like you're getting your wish, Mr. LaForge"
4/20/2020 c14 1AIO Youtuber TV
You should've said "Republic Omega squad" instead of just "Omega squad" because Starfleet have an Omega squad too. It is a specially trained unit for dealing with Omega molecule.
4/19/2020 c1 Smaug666
Who can blame them?
7/29/2019 c2 4J flood
Star Trek Engineers drooling over a hyperdrive simply beautiful I love it
1/31/2019 c1 Guest
the star wars galaxy use arabesh {I don't know how to spell it} not English lettering
6/7/2018 c19 fred1234
Loved it to death!
12/8/2017 c5 4Revliledpembroke
How do people keep discovering this anomaly? Isn't it in the middle of nowhere? It's one thing if Obi-Wan found it because of his connection to Anakin, but the droids should have absolute no reason to go into this sector of space!

And this is me saying I'm done. This needs to be rewritten before I can finish it. There just isn't enough meat on this story. Why would the droids go through? Why would the droids go through in such strength? Why not a scout ship first to make sure it was safe for the whole fleet to go through? Why wouldn't the droid fleet respond to the hails of the obviously not Republic Venator Star Destroyers and Acclamator Assault Ships? Why did the droid fleets attack these unknown vessels that might have been peaceful? Isn't a droid's natural inclination when faced by the unknown to stop and wait for orders? Who would order an attack on a group that might otherwise be peaceful?

Dooku might, if he thought this new group of people might threaten the delicate balancing act the Republic and the Separatists have, but HOW WOULD HE KNOW? The only ones who should know are Anakin and Obi-Wan (and Obi-Wan is only on this list because he could sense Anakin with the Force or something). You haven't told us if Anakin is making calls back to high command to let them know what's going on. If he has, that's something we NEED to know, so we can explain how everyone seems to know about this mysterious rift that only recently appeared.

All of these question need to be answered before the droids can go through the rift.
12/8/2017 c4 Revliledpembroke
Obi-Wan has no reason to go through the rift (not that you've given us in this chapter). He might have heard Anakin was in trouble, but should not have had any inkling of where Anakin could have gone after he launched a distress signal.

In fact, given the absence of Anakin's ship and the large debris field, it's probably more likely Obi-Wan would conclude that Anakin had perished.

Now, I suppose it's possible Obi-Wan could have used the Force to find Anakin in some way, but you need to say that explicitly. Otherwise, it's just an unexplained event that needs explaining. (Adding a throwaway line about "sensing him with the Force" would be enough to satisfy me, due to the ambiguous nature of what using the Force means.)

Also, we once again have Anakin sharing vital and TOP SECRET information with a complete unknown. "Here person I just met a few days ago, have all this highly classified information about our massive galactic war. I sure am glad I can completely trust that you won't sell this information to the Separatists, even though you might decide to throw in your lot with them instead of with us because, after all, you hardly know us, and might decide that our Republic does need a kick in the pants to effect change. I'm also glad I'm sharing this info so freely with you, in case that enemy you spoke of, those Borg things, could gain access to our tech and potentially become a threat in our universe!"

No. No General would share intercepted communications with an unknown. He wouldn't share tech, intelligence, or anything else that is important to his war effort. Once Starfleet asked how to best fight the Separatists, then Anakin would share the information on the CIS and their ships, fleets, and tactics. But that should be about the only information he shares.

Also, you have Anakin trusting these Starfleet people over his old friend Palpatine awfully fast. "Hey friend I've known for two days, anything new come up? What's this? You say the person I've known for years is actually a Sith Lord? YOU'RE LYING! WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPLICATE THIS GOOD MAN!? ARE YOU WORKING WITH THE SEPARATISTS, TRYING TO CREATE CONFUSION IN OUR RANKS? FORCE US TO TAKE ACTION AGAINST THE INNOCENT CHANCELLOR, MAKING THE JEDI LOOK GUILTY OF A COUP IN THE PROCESS! IT WON'T WORK! NOT AFTER I KILL YOU!" is much more likely an end to the conversation than what you put in this chapter.

Obi-Wan believing it makes sense. He never did trust politicians.

And while it's not entirely out of the question that Starfleet personnel could decrypt something the Star Wars universe encrypted (even if Palpatine would have used the 1000000000000x Extra Strength encryption to hide his identity) it DOES seem odd that they would be able to break it in the short time it took to fly to the Starbase.

And, again, these things I'm nitpicking are because you are taking the time to establish the trust forming between Anakin and Starfleet. You aren't giving us the scene where Anakin works through his surprise/anger/betrayal at Palpatine being Darth Sidious. No, you're leaping to the conclusion of the story without telling us how it began and expect us to fill in the blank on how the whole rest of the story. Then you do it again in the next chapter.

This is a very good story so far, and it has great potential. It just seems like you're in too much of a hurry to have Starfleet fix all of the flaws of Star Wars. Starfleet instantly notices something wrong with the Contingency Orders, despite no one in the Star Wars verse having a problem with it. Starfleet instantly cracks that encoded message that the Star Wars verse just couldn't crack. Starfleet instantly deduces the master plan of the Great Manipulator, despite no one in the Star Wars verse being able to see it.

Give it time. Let the info float over to Data so he can sit and analyze it for a bit. Have them float around the Star Wars verse for a couple of months as they set up and start negotiations between the two sides. Then let him see the patterns in the information, and reveal it to Starfleet, who then takes it to the Jedi. You're trying to leap in your story before you've established you characters can walk, and that's a detriment.

Take your time. I've got another fic up right now that is 7 chapters and nearly 300000 words. You can write longer chapters (or a lot more short chapters I guess). People will still read it.
12/8/2017 c1 Revliledpembroke
"Markings which clearly indicated the name of the ship... Impossibly, it was in Basic!"

No, it isn't. Star Wars has a completely different alphabet system. They don't use the Roman Alphabet, they use Aurebesh. Anakin wouldn't be able to read the name of the Agamemnon any more than I (a native of the US) could read the Cyrillic, Arabic, Hebrew, Chinese, or Japanese Alphabets.
12/8/2017 c3 Revliledpembroke
1) Palpatine was a near perfect manipulator. Letting his enemies have proof of his manipulations goes against his nature. This makes me think that the contingency plans were something only the Chancellor knew. Plus, all it takes is one suspicious individual seeing that, and suddenly the Emperor's plans for galactic domination are ruined, like you show here.

2) There is absolutely no way any military general would give the very likely super ultra mega top secret contingency plans to a newly discovered and potentially untrustworthy group, not even if that group saved the lives of the general and his men. That doesn't make any sort of good military sense. The hyperdrive is a similar case, actually, but given that is civilian tech as well, and very commonplace, that makes it a little different. But Anakin gives him the one their fighters use! That's top secret!

3)That said, I still like it so far, I just think you're trying to go from the Earth to Mars in the time it should take you to go to the Moon. (Err... let me rephrase that. You're moving too quickly to try and jump into the meat of your story, while you haven't set up enough backstory yet.
12/8/2017 c2 Revliledpembroke
Big D? The Enterprise? Not The Big E?
4/16/2017 c25 MARTIN KOWALCZYK
I really enjoyed reading this story and I want to see it continue even further.
3/25/2017 c12 2Obsidius
Your writing is good. And the story is intersting. But the main problem is your grasp of Starfleet regulations and the prime directive. They would not just put their whole fleet like that into anothers battle plans and leave the home galaxy short on ships and fleets. justno
7/15/2016 c4 Guest
I like that, because of the nature of Star Trek being Earth-based, these two galaxies can exist together so seamlessly. Much nicer than those "Earth makes first contact with a vastly superior galactic community" fics.
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