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for A New Mission Redux

5/20/2015 c2 Guest
Very good story pleas update
1/16/2014 c2 3WhiteElfElder
Should be interesting to see where this goes.
6/1/2013 c2 bill560682
an when ever you run into a

system lord do not stop to talk

and NEVER shoot his guards first

ALWAYS put a bullet right into the

system lord's head then put 10

more. then kill his guards, then

toss his body into the nearest sun.
5/31/2013 c1 bill560682
in the 100 days show they found

nanites that controlled aging

would they not be able to give

these to thor and the controller

for it so they could have each

clone live to say a million years

old. that way they could live long

enough to fix the problem with

the cloning? they could then take

any of their people in storage out

and have 10 times if not 100 times

more people and thereby ships to

fight the bugs? also they could

likely spare some people to keep

a closer eye on the snakes as well.

an yes i know they needed to die

so they could give everything they

were in the form of the super ship

to the sgc to fight the ori, but if

there is no vala then there is no

ori to worry about. an the only

reason vala was brought into the

show other then to be mother to

the orisi was to be the one to get

the blame for touching things she

should not. daniel can only do

that so many times before jack

would shoot him in the head or

the general would ground him

from all off world missions.

personally i think it would have

happened by end of season 2 or

end of season 3 at the latest.

as to the show were the tokra are

going to poison the system lords i

think it would be better if the

poison were slow acting and was

airborn as it's form of transfer

from snakehead to snakehead

with a lifespan of 2 years from the

first use. this way every system

lord ends up infecting their

troops and at the end of the 2

years the virus attacks the

snakeheads everywhere killing

them then dies off. if you only

attack the system lords

themselves you are only taking

them out then minor system lords

take their place an even if you

take out all the system lords the

baby snakeheads in the jaffa will

grow up into adult snakeheads

sooner or later so you are only

slowing them down for a

moment. this way everyone of

them are dead an all you need to

do is go planet to planet

collecting the children who have

no baby snakehead in them yet

and have thore's people change

their D.N.A. so they never end up

needing a baby snakehead.

in the show were daniel tells

catherin her long lost boyfriend

may still be alive and the general

chews him out for it i think daniel

should bitch slap him and remind

him who in fact owns the stargate

namely catherin. catherin in the

movie was running the program

not the goverment. so she could

walk in at any time and order the

general to pack up everything.
5/20/2013 c2 Silver Heart11DOOM
not bad more plz
12/31/2012 c2 readsalot2002
I like this so far I would suggest that you move the time line so that sg1 is together for a wile to build that bound that made the show great.

I would also cation you i have seen many of they fics goo by the way side because they made the good guy to powerful they need a challenging equal to or more powerful to keep us wondering if they will pro-val.

so with tat in mind look forward to more hopefully soon
11/17/2012 c2 rosedragonamber
loved it so far what about dobby
11/10/2012 c2 Mirror man
Great story. It's nice to see a new idea. And the second battle of harvest was the beginning of halo wars
11/8/2012 c2 starboy454
looks good so far
11/7/2012 c2 Guest
I see three problems with this story. Fix them and yours might be an inventive story that could, at some point, compete with the established giants of this crossover pairing (most notably the two stories by keiranhalcyon2010 and phoenix catcher).

1.) The quality of your writing isn't good enough. That begins with the simple issue of your strange text formatting (so many one or two sentence paragraphs keep meeting a huge block of text that isn't meant to be read that way) and continues with repeated issues with grammar and typos. It's true enough that this isn't any worse than average for this site, but it surely can't be a bad thing to aspire for more?! If you cannot do that yourself - many writers just can't polish their own work well enough - then look for a beta reader/editor with a good command of the English language.

2.) The (back)story needs to be fleshed out quite a bit more. It isn't necessary to do this by totally rewriting chapters 1 and 2, but at some point you will need to deal with the "before" of both the Stargate and Harry Potter universes.

There must be more to Janus' crazy idea to clone himself and create a fleet in an alternate universe. There must be a reason why the Alterans hid all knowledge of where they came from, yet as Ascended beings (as we knew them in the Stargate show), they were miraculously very well aware of their origins and their escape from the Ori galaxy. How? Are the Ascended omniscient? Hardly.

The same is true about the HP fandom as well. JK Rowling's books focus very much on an adolescent Harry, his adventures and his evolving friendships with Hermione Granger and the Weasleys. But where were they? Dead? Or did they just not play a role? You haven't even mentioned them by name!

3.) There are many clich├ęs for both fandoms. Do you really need to go to the risk of doing a bad job with the over-done "rich Harry" thing, when there are other plausible ways to get him a gun? Also, why would Harry ever steal something? I'm convinced that this is very far out of character for him, it doesn't fit his known personality at all and I won't be the only one thinking that. So the question becomes, why and how did he reach this decision and how did the wizarding world react to it? I can hardly believe that they were all for it, only to plan to betray him, all without anyone speaking up about it.

In much the same vein, this whole "using the Alteran knowledge to create modern weaponry influenced by primitive Earth ideas" has been done so many times already. Some writers - I most notably remember VexMaster with his Galactic Imperium story - have over-done this to a ridiculous degree and when I read this second chapter of yours, I was immediately reminded of his story and your less than stellar attempt at imitation.

The idea your story is based on has a lot of potential, I really believe that. That's why I wish you the best of luck in your writing, but I fervently hope that you will take a good look at what you have written so far and that you won't make the mistakes other writers of those fandoms have.
11/7/2012 c1 6Sajuuk
hello lol
this story is good but can you have harry send probe to other reality for technology and new idea
i have some propositions : stratrek, starwar, starcraft, babylon 5, homeworld, halo 4, mass effect, crysis, sector 8, marvel, dc comic, gundam, macross ...
for idea go read the next fiction i tell you (their author are lost) :
A Spark of Genius by michaelsuave
Fighting the Gods by phoenix catcher
Worthless by GandalfTG
Xander Harris: The Iron Tau'ri by gunsmith
and for the author you can read WraithRune, BabyBoy349, VexMaster...
by
please make harry more powerfull
11/7/2012 c2 2shubhendu dutta
Great story. Post next chapter soon.
11/7/2012 c2 2Eien Samsara
really like the story
11/7/2012 c2 Naginator
Nice and any battles of harvest happened over 2 decades before the first game
11/7/2012 c2 4darkplayer35
Interesting start. It has potential. Please update soon.
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