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11/15/2015 c2 1MALEC alice in zombieland TID
WHATTTTTT?
12/27/2012 c1 Jesus and his Lawyers
Oh hey, I know you! Yes, tis I, Claire the Logic Fairy here to dole out logic like a gun smuggler hands out guns to psychopaths! (Too soon?)

So, let's talk grammar here, because I don't think you understand how it works. At all.

You successfully raped: dialogue, quotations, punctuation, capitalization, spacing, colons etc.u etc. etc. So basically, you just butchered the human language beyond all recognition. That's not cool brah.

Please, for the love of all that is Bea Arthur, invest in a spell/grammar check. Or just don't write on your cell phone anymore.

CHARACTERS!

You have a huge problem with Mary Sues. Huge. Literally everything I've read by you has contained a huge and obvious Mary Sue/ Self Insert. Frankly, at this point, it's just kind of embarrassing to read.

You have to make your characters human, they have to have flaws and personalities. They can't just be glorified and romanticized version of your fantasy fan character.

Here's a couple of links to a great writing site I frequent that'll be of help to you::
("Is your character an egomobile?")

("Basic Tips To Improve Your Original/Fan Characters")

(So You Really Wanna Write An OC Relative of a Canon Character?)

(Mary Sue Litmus Test)

Let's talk pointless details before I let you go.

That whole name thing? Pointless.
Why did you close the chapter with that? The grammar was so screwed that it was barely readable and it made no sense whatsoever.

Goodnight everybody!
-Claire: Logic Fairy
12/27/2012 c2 The Lesbian of Reason
You aren't good at being dramatic. Your story cannot be taken seriously at all when the grammar is this bad. It's ridiculous. Not to mention your failed attempt to 'prove' your 'extensive' knowledge of the comic books. It's common to know their names. They call each other by them in the comic books. Jason Todd is not Red X by the way. I'm not sure where you're trying to go with the plot. I don't care if this is your first fanfic, just going to make that clear. Try again, make sure the sentences make sense and create a plot beforehand.
11/20/2012 c2 Celestial Valkyrie
I love the story keep it up

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