for Mi Amore9/16/2022 c1 anonmous
nice
nice
10/28/2021 c1 anonmous
nice
nice
9/3/2012 c1 Guest
Nice fic, but I think there are a few too many mistakes. You should use spell check or something to give the reader the full effect of what you're writing. Pyjamas and pajamas are both correct, it just depends on where you're from. Good luck writing fics in the future and keep up the good work!
Nice fic, but I think there are a few too many mistakes. You should use spell check or something to give the reader the full effect of what you're writing. Pyjamas and pajamas are both correct, it just depends on where you're from. Good luck writing fics in the future and keep up the good work!
9/3/2012 c1 VanillaCream25
Unlike what reviewer Hitotsune-Kozo said, there are quite a few mistakes. And for a 'story' this short you *really* want to make sure that the impact of the story is clean and free of any errors, people will get pulled out of the story to have to point out.
Your error sentence - ("What do you think?" Korra asked as she walked into the bedroom, fluffing the back of hair.)
The corrected sentence - ("What do you think?" Korra asked as she walked into the bedroom, fluffing the back of *her* hair.)
Error - (closed the book placing it to once side before laying back against the large fluffy pillow.)
Corrected - (closed the book placing it to *one* side before laying back against the large fluffy pillow.)
E - (them ontop of the discarded book.)
C - (them on top of the discarded book.)
E - (and tugging the young Avatar closer)
C - (and tugged the young Avatar closer)
Error - (her lover's pyjama trousers)
Corrected - (her lover's pajama trousers)
So, you can see how so many errors, nearly one every short paragraph, would completely take away from whatever impact you were trying to make with this short fic. You can use a beta, or just use a spelling/grammar check in a free word program like Open Office. I wish you good luck with future writing endeavors 3
Unlike what reviewer Hitotsune-Kozo said, there are quite a few mistakes. And for a 'story' this short you *really* want to make sure that the impact of the story is clean and free of any errors, people will get pulled out of the story to have to point out.
Your error sentence - ("What do you think?" Korra asked as she walked into the bedroom, fluffing the back of hair.)
The corrected sentence - ("What do you think?" Korra asked as she walked into the bedroom, fluffing the back of *her* hair.)
Error - (closed the book placing it to once side before laying back against the large fluffy pillow.)
Corrected - (closed the book placing it to *one* side before laying back against the large fluffy pillow.)
E - (them ontop of the discarded book.)
C - (them on top of the discarded book.)
E - (and tugging the young Avatar closer)
C - (and tugged the young Avatar closer)
Error - (her lover's pyjama trousers)
Corrected - (her lover's pajama trousers)
So, you can see how so many errors, nearly one every short paragraph, would completely take away from whatever impact you were trying to make with this short fic. You can use a beta, or just use a spelling/grammar check in a free word program like Open Office. I wish you good luck with future writing endeavors 3
9/2/2012 c1 Guest
sexy
sexy
9/2/2012 c1 
22Haley Earthstone
Rather short, but it does fit the picture very well. It was well written, caught my attention from the first sentence, and is a good alternate portrayal of the character's.
I only noticed one mistake, and it was a very minor spelling error: "her lover's pyjama." I think you meant "pajama," but the spelling could simply be a regional difference. Maybe.
22Haley EarthstoneRather short, but it does fit the picture very well. It was well written, caught my attention from the first sentence, and is a good alternate portrayal of the character's.
I only noticed one mistake, and it was a very minor spelling error: "her lover's pyjama." I think you meant "pajama," but the spelling could simply be a regional difference. Maybe.