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for A New Life: Loss of Memory

7/19/2013 c1 2fhl1234
After reading your previous reviews, I've got to hand it to you, the fic is much more readable now that the character descriptions are at the bottom of the chappie :) I really like Alex, and also like how he's managing his condition and the cravings by taking the blood tablets.

Try using ' to show thoughts instead of parenthesis.

I do hope that you decide to continue writing this again soon :) You have great potential.
9/24/2012 c1 PygmyEmo
I think you might want to separate the character descriptions out of the actual story or edit it so it isn't as confusing and easy to get lost.

Just a thought.
9/5/2012 c1 1DeadlySakura15
Okay, I kind of like where you are going. But, your story is so confusing with all the side notes in the story, it takes away from everything your writing. As a writer myself, if your going to credit someone do it in the disclaimer or in a Authors note before or after the story. Try and leave all side notes at the bottom of the page. Don't put his thoughts in () try in ' ' that makes the story clearer. When two people are talking try and move the conversation out of the paragraph into the first line of a new paragraph or into a line of its own. Also Try and look for a beta to look over your grammar, spelling, and sentence structure. If you find a good beta, they will also give you tips for your story.

Your story has great potential, and I'm not try to sound mean when giving you pointer. Just try your best when writing.

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