for Naruto Guardian Of The Mist9/8/2012 c1 S-Wanderer999
Hmm a nice start to your story and Naruto has a chance to really excel now that the idiot Council can't hinder him anymore. As for Jiraiya, he can go see Naruto whenever he wants, due to his traveling all the time because of his duties (plus being able to send messages by the toads). And he can even help out in his training although he'd have to wait a while before doing so (I can see Danzo trying to have Jiraiya followed if he lost track of Naruto's whereabouts).
As for an addition to the group of ladies with Naruto, I'd like to request Guren. In some ways she is worse off then Haku was, in the fact the one who found her chose to just use her and never developed any emotional attachments to her over time (unlike how Zabuza came to care for Haku). As for how she comes to Kiri, why not just use the filler arc she appeared in, but have it where Kiri also sent a team to try and capture the Sanbi. It makes no sense why Kiri would just let the Sanbi go if they heard that foreign ninjas are interested in it (and with Naruto commenting on Konoha's attitude towards jinchuuriki, Kiri might think they want the Sanbi for making a new jinchuuriki that they can 'properly' condition).
As for the countries that were helped by Naruto, why not have it be due to Jiraiya and Tsunade spreading the word about what was done to Naruto to those countries, causing them to change or cancel agreements with Konoha. Although I'm not sure if Snow Country would have been freed by Team 7, so Team 7 will be in quite a bit of trouble without Naruto if they still go on that mission.
Anyways I'm looking forward to the next chapter and seeing what happens next.
Hmm a nice start to your story and Naruto has a chance to really excel now that the idiot Council can't hinder him anymore. As for Jiraiya, he can go see Naruto whenever he wants, due to his traveling all the time because of his duties (plus being able to send messages by the toads). And he can even help out in his training although he'd have to wait a while before doing so (I can see Danzo trying to have Jiraiya followed if he lost track of Naruto's whereabouts).
As for an addition to the group of ladies with Naruto, I'd like to request Guren. In some ways she is worse off then Haku was, in the fact the one who found her chose to just use her and never developed any emotional attachments to her over time (unlike how Zabuza came to care for Haku). As for how she comes to Kiri, why not just use the filler arc she appeared in, but have it where Kiri also sent a team to try and capture the Sanbi. It makes no sense why Kiri would just let the Sanbi go if they heard that foreign ninjas are interested in it (and with Naruto commenting on Konoha's attitude towards jinchuuriki, Kiri might think they want the Sanbi for making a new jinchuuriki that they can 'properly' condition).
As for the countries that were helped by Naruto, why not have it be due to Jiraiya and Tsunade spreading the word about what was done to Naruto to those countries, causing them to change or cancel agreements with Konoha. Although I'm not sure if Snow Country would have been freed by Team 7, so Team 7 will be in quite a bit of trouble without Naruto if they still go on that mission.
Anyways I'm looking forward to the next chapter and seeing what happens next.
9/8/2012 c1 Tha Golden Boy
Nice start to the story. I'm surprised that you had him banished so early on, especially after he defeated Gaara. Most people have him banished after the Sasuke Retrieval Arc, but now he has more time to develop. The grammar was pretty well done, but the story seemed somewhat choppy. There wasn't that much of a flow in the writing, maybe because the chapter wasn't that long. Hopefully as the story progressed the writing flows more easily.
As for girls, I would suggest using girls that would be beneficial to Kirigakure. For example Koyuki, Shion and Shizuka are great girls to use. Not only did Naruto change every single one of them, they also have a slight affection for him (more so for Shion and Shizuka). They are also leaders of their nations/communities so having them as his wives would get more allies for Kiri. I'd like to see Mikoto because: 1. Sasuke's face would priceless and 2. I just think she'd be able to connect with Naruto through his mother. I don't really mind who is used as long as you don't turn the story into PWP and follow the cliche of every women becoming bisexual.
The girls you've chosen so far are good choices. All of them, in someway, are influential and have had troubled pasts or relate to him. They can help with his own past and understand him in a way many others wouldn't be able to. Also, they are all top tier kunoichis, which he'll probably find attractive.
Anyways, nice start so far and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Nice start to the story. I'm surprised that you had him banished so early on, especially after he defeated Gaara. Most people have him banished after the Sasuke Retrieval Arc, but now he has more time to develop. The grammar was pretty well done, but the story seemed somewhat choppy. There wasn't that much of a flow in the writing, maybe because the chapter wasn't that long. Hopefully as the story progressed the writing flows more easily.
As for girls, I would suggest using girls that would be beneficial to Kirigakure. For example Koyuki, Shion and Shizuka are great girls to use. Not only did Naruto change every single one of them, they also have a slight affection for him (more so for Shion and Shizuka). They are also leaders of their nations/communities so having them as his wives would get more allies for Kiri. I'd like to see Mikoto because: 1. Sasuke's face would priceless and 2. I just think she'd be able to connect with Naruto through his mother. I don't really mind who is used as long as you don't turn the story into PWP and follow the cliche of every women becoming bisexual.
The girls you've chosen so far are good choices. All of them, in someway, are influential and have had troubled pasts or relate to him. They can help with his own past and understand him in a way many others wouldn't be able to. Also, they are all top tier kunoichis, which he'll probably find attractive.
Anyways, nice start so far and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
9/8/2012 c1 
10Leoni Liponscovi
AWESOME STORY! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ASE CONTINUE QUICKLY!
10Leoni LiponscoviAWESOME STORY! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ASE CONTINUE QUICKLY!
9/8/2012 c1 Mzr90
Hmm...intresting start I'm gonna keep an eye on this and as for possible harem choices I like to suggest Shizuka besides the contract they have would be funny for Konoha to see they lost their chance at a alliance plus Shizuka gave up on love and mainly focuses on her duities Naruto can help her past that also she uses wind release in uniques ways so she can teach Naruto that.
Hmm...intresting start I'm gonna keep an eye on this and as for possible harem choices I like to suggest Shizuka besides the contract they have would be funny for Konoha to see they lost their chance at a alliance plus Shizuka gave up on love and mainly focuses on her duities Naruto can help her past that also she uses wind release in uniques ways so she can teach Naruto that.
9/8/2012 c1 4ViresAdLegatum
It is an alright take for an idea. There are only three things I see wrong with the story.
Your point blankness. You seem to rush through things and it takes a toll on those who read your stories.
Your Vocabulary. There are some things that need to be described better than you have made them seem. This also joins to the first point. You can rush through things if you have a good vocabulary, but if you don't, then readers can misunderstand what is going on.
Your basic idea in itself. While it is cool that Naruto has all these affinities, How does he have them. This will be a challenge later on to explain. Although I can't see how he could have them regarding the fact that you told us who his parents are.
Now I like this story, but it does need a big improvement. I think I would like to adopt it, but you can continue, but I would like to see how I could write it. Is that alright with you?
4ViresAdLegatumIt is an alright take for an idea. There are only three things I see wrong with the story.
Your point blankness. You seem to rush through things and it takes a toll on those who read your stories.
Your Vocabulary. There are some things that need to be described better than you have made them seem. This also joins to the first point. You can rush through things if you have a good vocabulary, but if you don't, then readers can misunderstand what is going on.
Your basic idea in itself. While it is cool that Naruto has all these affinities, How does he have them. This will be a challenge later on to explain. Although I can't see how he could have them regarding the fact that you told us who his parents are.
Now I like this story, but it does need a big improvement. I think I would like to adopt it, but you can continue, but I would like to see how I could write it. Is that alright with you?
9/8/2012 c1 bankai777
i hope that both shizuka and shion are in the harem reason being is that shion has a similiar burden like was scorned for her ability to forsee how a person shizuka she is trying to find true love again.i don't know if they are older that naruto but it could work.
i hope that both shizuka and shion are in the harem reason being is that shion has a similiar burden like was scorned for her ability to forsee how a person shizuka she is trying to find true love again.i don't know if they are older that naruto but it could work.
9/8/2012 c1 1ddcj1990
Nice good start to the story I really like the idea of Naruto having Ice, Lava and Boil release I cant wait for the next chapter also I think you should add Samui into Naruto harem because she is very calm and collective she would which Naruto can learn from her
1ddcj1990Nice good start to the story I really like the idea of Naruto having Ice, Lava and Boil release I cant wait for the next chapter also I think you should add Samui into Naruto harem because she is very calm and collective she would which Naruto can learn from her
9/8/2012 c1 Jose19
This is a excellent story all-around and I wish it to be updated as soon as you can.
This is a excellent story all-around and I wish it to be updated as soon as you can.