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10/13/2012 c3 46Wolvmbm
Interesting take on the "Civil War" storyline. However, Now I wonder whether or not Spider-man may make an apperance in this ? :(

Please do keep up the good work upon such a great storyline like this one. :)
10/11/2012 c2 10Ansa88
hrm. how old is she? this seems more like a school assignment than inside the thoughts of a kid, because it seems sorta clipped, not really flowing.

"At bedtime he still isn't home. I just read a little. My practice made me tired." these scentences you could combine into one, like "At bedtime he still isn't home, so I read a little since my practice made me tired." It sounds a smoother and more natural (of course, don't go overboard and start making everything into long scentences. short scentences are good for fight scenes, but longer ones are good for just describing everyday life.)

it's the whole "show not tell" rule here again-let the reader infer a little, instead of just putting down everything for people to see. um, like when you're talking about the powers. you could say
"First I climbed a tree easily, then threw cans and blasted them." something like that (...*facepalm* who am i to be giving out critisism.)

ahem. anyway, you have the "kiddish" thinking down really well. how her train of thought goes fits in with what i've experienced with little kids.

it was unclear when you said "A couple times I almost get hit. Eventually my powers get a little better." not sure what exactly happened. how did she almost get hit when she's the one aiming the gun? what exactly was she doing to the gun with her powers?

finding out powers is realistic. having almost instant control of them is not.

the scene with the doctor seems pretty realistic, especially when she was scared about getting the blood and crying. (again, mentioning age would be helpful. just putting in "5 years later" or something like that. lots of published authors do it, actually.)

anywho, i've not a clue how long you've been writing, but the premise is solid. kinda overwhelming with all the kids running around, and apparently the other kids are allowed to train in fighting when captain america's daughter can't? o.O

ahem. anyway, i like it. the writing needs more description, but i'm following it. the summaries of your stories are also very well crafted-it's what drew me in, in the first place.
10/11/2012 c1 Ansa88
this beginning was more telling the actual showing. hrm...how should i put it.

it seemed that this chap was more of a summary than the actual detail. it's...very straighforward, which is good, but nothing here actually "showed" what was going on. everything that happened was from what you told us, not from what we inferred.

still, a pretty solid beginning. forgive me on not knowing much about captain america-i've only seen the movies and the tv shows (i don't have access to the comics, don't sue me!)
10/7/2012 c2 9dwatlaskrhtcm
Woooo LOVING it so far! Please , Please , Please , Please, Update soon , :-D , Well Done And Thanks .
9/22/2012 c2 46Wolvmbm
Interesting update, as I do wonder what training with the daughter of Captain American be put with especially with the other children of the Avengers. :D

Plase do keep up the good work upon such a great tale like this one. :)

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