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for Cinnamon Challenge

12/15/2019 c1 1DetectiveSherlock1412
That was HILARIOUS! REALLY COOL! I WISH FOR MORE HUMOR
8/19/2015 c1 Anime fan
Hoho youtube wuahaha swallowing your pride
8/14/2013 c1 4Chibi-Twan
u should add more! like a chap on them gettin even with conan!
1/11/2013 c1 4TWILIGHTreader1
lmao this was so funny :)!
i can't believe 2 detectives and a magician could not sense the impending doom they were about to put themselves through lol
12/27/2012 c1 17DescriptivePessimism-DAA
Well, it's really funny, ya know, an' on Hattori's accent was pretty good! I didn' even know dat, 'is umm... 'THAT' word was supposed to be umm... 'Tha', Anywho, can I ask ya a question?, okay I just asked one didn't I?, Okay I accidentally asked another, did-*shooks head* (Focus now...) Anyway I was wonderin' What's a 'cinnamon challenge'? an' what is a 'cinnamon'? We don' 'ave any 'cinnamons' here in Philippines, in ma Region, I don' know fer de others, though, even though I eat a lot, an' eat anythin' edible except poison, I have no idea what a 'cinnamon' is! Okay, I'm lookin' forward on da 'Cinnamon Revenge'! But sweetie, (is it okay if I call you dat?) don' push yer self so hard, okay? I can wait! Oh, an' as fer mah stories, when I re-read it I noticed some few-er lot of mistakes! Sorry didn' mean ta, English is ma third language as ye can see...(even thought ye don' see me! just kiddin'...) since ma first is Bisaya of Mother-tongue, then second is Tagalog or Filipino, and ma fourth is Japanese, Am still learnin' though, sorry fer da strange accent, even though I don' use it one ma stories when it comes ta explainin' hehehe... I guess I made it too long and kinda a lot of OP, anyway, Am Lookin' forward on how Hakuba, Hattori and Kid get ther' revenge! see ya on yer or ma next chapter? hey, last question which one should I post first? Da 'THE FORGOTTEN SELF'? or de 'CLIENT THAT BRINGS MISFORTUNE'? Am really confused now,(read ma profile if ya want ta know why am confused...) Anyway THANKS!
12/15/2012 c1 khasanova
no no, you didn't fail at Hattori-kun's accent, in face, it's pretty good.
:D
But... I can't seem to find the video on youtube...
anyway, good story.
(how can Conan-kun reach so high anyway)
12/2/2012 c1 Jennifer Perez
5 stars!:D That was pretty darn good.
10/2/2012 c1 16Hittocere
Well you have the humor, I was rolling over in my seat laughing. Heiji's accent, or rather accents in general won't hurt a story so much as the way you use words. My beta is always on my case about this actually, its about writing a sentence so that when your reader is reading it, the sentence, doesn't trip them up as they go. It's a major put off according to her.

So my advice for improvement is this: once you finish typing on something that you are posting, read it aloud. This will tell you where a lot of your mistakes are, if you have them. I tend to leave out words as I type, so reading it aloud helps me find those sorts of mistakes as well. It's a really simple thing to do, um... what else...

No out of character issues that I noticed, but in Hakuba's paragraph... it's the way it's phrased.

I would work it into something more like: Hakuba immediately started gagging, the cinnamon irritating his wind pipe causing him to cough violently, throwing up when he could no longer tolerate the offending substance. Still coughing hoarsely, his hand sought out his cup of water, downing half the contents before rushing to the sink to save some face. "Bloody Hell" he managed to hack out as a he went into another coughing fit.

Don't take my nitpicking the wrong way, it was very funny. And I liked your portrayal of Conan, he is quite the little... well, you know. XD Thanks for my review as well!
9/13/2012 c1 15Sweetly-Sour94
Oh my gosh! I was giggling so hard!
Of course Kaito would be able to do it, my reasoning : because he's awesome like that. The Poker Face crumbles when confronted by cinnamon!
I would think that Heiji would have folded so much sooner...
I wonder if the boys' revenge will included cinnamon. *thinks* Nah. Ran would kill them if she heard, which she would (Conan would tattle like the manipulative little boy he is).
Loved it!

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