Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Interface to Face

1/6/2013 c5 2inkjet
I absolutely love how your style of writing (or maybe just the general aura of the text) changes with whoever's point of view it's in. You establish Joker, EDI, and even the other characters extremely well and the way you capture them is seriously awesome to read. I can't wait to hear what happens. [:
12/23/2012 c1 1kesla
First fic for the win! I'm liking this chapter. In dialogue, your character voices are spot on-I'm especially impressed by Gabby's, since she really doesn't have much airtime in the trilogy. You've managed to infer the essentials of her personality from those few lines of dialogue that do exist, and build a voice for her both convincing and authentic.

As for EDI's dialogue, you're really selling synthetic in the diction, and your pacing is great. Judicious use of commas ("Thank you, Gabby, for the advice") and carefully placed prose between spoken lines ("EDI tilted her head at him. 'I am merely curious'") effectively replicate the not-quite-organic pacing we hear in her speaking voice in-game. Only one spoken line stood out to me as a little off: "Alright, Gabby." EDI's stock acknowledgment in ME2/3 is "Very well," and reading something other than that took me out of the (otherwise pitch-perfect) voice I was hearing in my head.

Now for prose. At the risk of sounding...organicist? Wow, that's the worst neologism I think I've ever come up with. At the risk of sounding overly binary and ethnocentric-but-talking-about-synthetics-and-organics-with-a-bias-for-organics, I did notice that EDI, in the prose, seems to jump between parsing emotions/observing body language (as a synthetic) and feeling emotions sympathetically (as an organic). For instance,

parsing: "At his raised eyebrow..." "Her optical processors picked up Joker's slight flush." "...with the kind of exaggerated patience he usually reserved for small children. Or Shepard." "The engineer's eyebrows rose."

In these lines, EDI observes, classifies, infers, and imputes.

feeling sympathetically: "Joker's grin softened into a dreamy, faraway smile." "Gabby's tone wasn't unkind, just curious." "Gabby put a comforting hand on EDI's shoulder." "'Look,' she said gently." "Gabby gave her shoulder a friendly squeeze..." "She tossed a cheerful grin and a wave..."

But in these lines, EDI reads organics as if she is organic herself, picking up on motives and underlying emotions (dreaminess, friendliness, etc.) without appearing to try.

Possibly this was intentional-EDI could be in transition between synthetic parsing and organic feeling. However, since this is the first chapter, you may want to ease the reader into the idea: let your audience observe EDI's growing ability to read emotions by instinct, rather than positing that ability as already there.

Last observation. I noticed moments where the prose focalizes with EDI but identifies Moreau as Joker. "Joker's expression shifted to suspicion," "Her optical processors picked up Joker's slight flush," "Joker's grin softened," etc. Since EDI calls Joker "Jeff" exclusively, using "Jeff" in those lines where we're supposed to be seeing things from EDI's perspective will help to immerse the reader.

All in all, this was a very pleasurable read, with great pacing and great dialogue from EDI and Gabriella both. Well done! I look forward to seeing the direction this takes in future chapters.
12/23/2012 c5 7xXimmortalXx
UPDATE OH PLEASE UPDATE!
12/14/2012 c5 1MagyarEagle
I just discovered this fic and must say its amazing. I am a huge fan of Joker/EDI and this is by far the best depiction of them as a couple I have ever read :)
11/28/2012 c5 1Rubrik
This is an amazing fic. Can't wait to read more. :)
10/21/2012 c4 5AssaultSloth
I like it.

I adore EDI and I think she gets really ignored/maligned by the fandom (for stealing Joker? I don't know).

Very fond of how you've written her so far.

Keep it up.
10/12/2012 c4 Calasin
Oh my Lord, this cliffhanger is excruciating! I have to say I am really enjoying this story. There is an unfortunate lack of Joker/EDI fanfiction out there, which makes me really sad since I was shipping them even before she had a body, back in the ME2 days, haha. Your character voices are spot on, and I especially love the way you get the reader into EDI's head and seeing how she's evolving and changing and becoming a fully formed person with all of the good and bad that that entails.

This is a wonderful story. I can't wait for the next chapter!
10/2/2012 c4 merlincrazy
Another cliffhanger? Grr! Update soon. I want to know what happened to EDI!
9/17/2012 c3 Guest
Quality EDI stories are in short supply here. Keep going!
9/17/2012 c4 1Jackattack456
This just keeps getting better and better! I must know what happens next! Update soon please! :)
9/17/2012 c3 merlincrazy
Hooray! It's a EDI/Joker fic! Fanfiction needs more of these. Your characters are definetly in character. Can't wait for the next chapter. Update soon!
9/17/2012 c3 Jackattack456
This is so great so far! I can not wait to read what comes next! :)
9/17/2012 c3 commanderkitty
Yesss! I'm so glad you posted this here. This place is sorely lacking in EDI fics. :P
9/17/2012 c1 1FaberFortuna
Joker has to be my favorite part so far. His (well, everyone's) internal monologue is right in tune. It's nice to see a Joker/EDI fiction ; I'm looking forward to more.
9/17/2012 c1 Helmsbroad
Nice!
30 « Prev Page 1 2

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service