9/28/2012 c1 5Nathalaia
You *really* need to work on your grammar. First of all, names should be capitalised, and every sentence needs a full stop. Likewise every first character in a new sentence should be capitalised. You also need more commas. And instead of writing a fancy line with the words, 'next morning', just settle with a simple horizontal line (can be added when you edit the document on this site) or a double enter, to show you shift in time. And *then*, in the text itself, add in something to let the reader know it is the next day, or midnight or whatever. Granted, this might be more of a personal preference.

So, let me give you an example:

'Ray and Kai woke up the next morning (see, here you add the time instead of writing a headline) to find their pictures all around the house, with the words 'LOVE BIRDS' (avoid parentheses) written all over them in red marker and sparkling hearts. (Avoid breaking up sentences, as you did originally with specifically this sentence.)

"Tala!" screamed a blushing Ray.

"They're not that bad," said an amused Kai.

"Kai!" exclaimed a very pissed off Ray. "I hate you, you damn Russian."'

See? Well. Hopefully. Next in line is to add more details. The main idea for this story is fine, and could be really amusing, if you just tried to expand it. Maybe something more about Ray's illness or something, and thoughts and such.

Keep writing and keep improving!

Nathalaia