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2/17/2016 c10 3Cameron Mica Boyce
Without a doubt, this story is written beautifully. That being said, I'm not so sure I can continue it. I just feel that too few introductory details were utilized. Seven chapters, and I still am very confused about the plot. I'm not flaming, just providing my opinion and some constructive criticism. I applaud the work you put in and regret to have found it doesn't quite suit me.
4/18/2014 c23 licorice
This story is amazing. Better than I had anticipated. The action is right there and the suspense claws away at the reader. Keep it up, this story has a promising plot to reveal.
7/11/2013 c12 Layla
Keep going
4/17/2013 c7 NothingLastsFor3v3r
Great story! I love it! Update please. I've been looking for a story like this in quite a while. Please update! xo
4/16/2013 c7 Layla
Wait why is Zack in the hospital?. What happened to Cody?. This story is twincest right?. Cause I certainly hope so. Did Zack like fall inlove with his twin so his parents took him to the hospital?. PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE!. CAUSE I LOVE THIS STORY!. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
2/27/2013 c6 6owlhero
I was confused at first as to why you started the chapter the way you did. But it seems you wanted to delve deeper into this strange atmosphere.

It seems as though Milly ran into something she should not have. The males nurses just made the whole scene a little creepy.

The conversation with Zack and mark was a little confusing as to who was speaking...But zack's on shaky mental ground.

Well this hospital has a really dark side going here. Interesting as why this could go especially with death already surrounding the place.

As for the thing that haunted Zack that mark found... You might want to be a little specific as to what it was he found..
12/22/2012 c5 owlhero
Damn that was cold. To trick people like that and give the guy the stroke. Wow.

I find Zack's critical nature of the hospital to be a very essential part of his character since it mixes with his view of everything and everyone. Any reason why you put that in the story? Or was just for story depth? Just curious.

Starting to pull the curtain on the hospital's dark side was thrilling. To have some of his suspicions seem to be true is sure to shake him a little. Let alone the near-death experience at the hands of that guy. All because his curiosity got the best of him.

BY the way, I have seen unitize be used in a sentence before EVER. Let alone a story. I'm writing that down for later use. It definitely shows the doctor's education off well.

There's definitely moe than meets the eye with this unknown guy.
12/22/2012 c4 owlhero
Jeez, Zack is going stir crazy. And the fact his state of mind is not normal could cause a lot of problems for him. Its almost amusing with the fact he hates everyone around him or least tolerates them. Yet I think he needs someone to help get through his issues.

The nurses just seem to be the front line for his personal imprisonment. The environment just makes it worse. Although its fun to see how you twisted his trouble making skills (and his teenage attitude) to suit the situation. The whole hospital seems like some dark comedy.

What a colorful template of characters you created for Zack to deal with in his therapy sessions. I had reread the explanations to figure they had or looked them up. Haley to me is the weirdest one. By the way, you described the doctor in the meeting was ingenious. Not overly vague but the physical description was just enough to provide a mental photo for me and give me Zack's opinion of her at the same time. Well done.

But the way you broke the introductions, I had to make sure and go back and check to see if you had the right number of people.

The ending threw me for a loop but a good way. The names changes show a sign of creavity and the short hand between the brothers definitely shows the closeness. A wonderful family gathering, how tragic considering the future. I must say its definitely not the titanic where Nicholas dies, is it? Okay onto the next chapter with the next curveball thrown at me.

Minir thing: There were some tense errors in this chapter, mostly towads the end of the chapter. Like felled is just fell.

this sentence stood out for me: "For some reason soak too, wait, was this hose connected to another one that goes off when used." Another way to write it. " For some reason, soaked too. Wait...was this hose connected to another one that goes off when used?"
12/16/2012 c3 owlhero
This definitely has the structure and sound of the Man I used to know.

"next test ra . . . I mean a weak citizen in need." Its fine structure wise but I can see you still have your unique sense of humor shine through the character. As well as showing how crappy and ticked off Zack is.

Also the way you had Zack described the doctor shows just how much he hates doctors and hospitals. But adding the littliest bit of emotion to the doctor just deepens the chapter. But considering Zack's own body is a prison, his anger is justified. But taking it out on Mark was wrong, his only friend.

"For that, whatever left these behind saved me, but left me alone in this world to rot in this place that dares calls itself a hospital, when it feels like a home for the insane and unwanted." I find that line funny, sad and true. Being left behind with no one would be one of the worst feelings in the world. Besides a hospital might seem like a place to rot being surrounded by sterilized equipment and bad food, waiting for your last day to come.

"My hands gave a weak gripped." Gripped should be grip.
11/11/2012 c2 owlhero
Definitely taken somewhere different than I thought it would go.

His whole world now focuses on this one event. At the risk of destroying everything else with his obvious case of PTSD hampering anything close to impovement.

His past seems to be very deep with Cole (?). I can a lot of disgust here.

Mark just seems to be his lifeguard. Misery loves company here. It seems as though Cole made the world small enough for him to endure and now that's what's crushing him.

But the promise seems like the only thing he truly has left in his heart.
10/17/2012 c1 flufflekinz8188
Oh my gosh, that was so beautiful! Please continue! :D
10/4/2012 c1 owlhero
What a very short beginning here.

But you gave enough to show the speaker is dealing with dual pain. One of the heart, the other of cold. It gives me the image of the variation of Rose from the Titanic. I love the vibrant descriptions of the sensations and the descriptions of the deathly scene.

The desperation is here too along with hypothermia's effects. But I can only imagine how we got here.

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