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for A simple story in the 41st millenium

6/25/2020 c1 1blackcatcoffee
Another nice light-hearted one shot. You can really feel Ragnar slapping himself on the forehead when he realizes how the PDF Man is the most useless Night Angel of them all. Markus’ last will and testament’s bit is HILARIOUS. Well done!
3/21/2014 c1 11Sylareen
The little girl is awesome .
But what is a XXX and a YYY ?
2/16/2014 c1 29Edhla
Hi there :-) I'm a Staffer at RLt. Unfortunately I'm also canon blind when it comes to Warhammer, but I'll do my best.

I like the basic parody/concept for this piece. I'm not sure it was entirely successful in that there really was no proper introduction or explanation of the characters beyond their stereotype, which meant that once the Ork battle began I struggled to remember or care who was who. Some nice lines of dialogue and the battle had great energy, though it felt a little rushed, a little shallow; easily something you could expand into a three-shot to give it pace and explore your characters a little more.

There are a number of spelling, punctuation and grammar issues that made this a little difficult to read in places:

[everything they'd got.] Everything they had.

[with a belly that Ragnar could swear he could put an Ork into it] I would take out "it" here.

[One was a surgical obsessed whose] There seems to be a word missing here; a surgical-obsessed what?

[covered in pimple] Either "covered in pimples" or "covered in a pimple."

[two weeks now, they corpse heaping up] I'm confused. Did you mean "the corpses heaping up"?

[and came to fetch it,] coming to fetch it,

[wasn't referring the Astartes by sir,]

I'm confused again; this sentence doesn't really make sense.

[ Ragnar was a little relieved seeing him hear.] here.

[last hop] hope.

[didn't bother nobody] didn't mind that nobody

[sky on his head] sky above his head.

[5th Company is lead] led.

[think its better] it's

[through the basic] the basics

[have got a bright future] have a bright future

[done do much] I'd take out "do"

[Although a Tactical Marines] take out "a"

[of herself] or herself

[Let's hope this work] works.

[time he ran across the sewer,] time as he

["We…we did it!" said the old man, still couldn't believe] said the old man in disbelief

[anybody who knows medic?] anybody who knows first aid?

I think with a bit more detail and some fine tuning, this could be good :-) Thanks for writing x
6/29/2013 c1 9Korpswoman of Krieg
This is delightfully insane! Love how the little girl is a potent killing machine at the end!
6/19/2013 c1 1IronHydra
The little girl's a badass.
(BTW, this is Iron.)
3/23/2013 c1 1TheAlagoano
Well, that made me smile :) It's silly but in a good way
2/8/2013 c1 3thesimpledaydreamer
This was a good story, the militia was quite entertaining.
10/25/2012 c1 Abaddon
Nice story. Your style is unique among the fic here.
10/24/2012 c1 Mar. Aaron Walker
5 out of 5.
You have proven you're self, a natural Warhammer bad-ass!
Keep up the good work.

Black Guard signing out.
10/19/2012 c1 1Lost Guy
this team.. i demand more adventures! especially the badarse little girl and PDF trooper...

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