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11/20/2017 c6 Guest
I hope you improve your writing in future. There were so many errors of Al kinds throughout this story that even reading through the first chapter was a nightmare.
Please consider really revising your OC character trait choices. And stick to the original content of the story in some way. Sure, writing a side story to the Jungle Book is cool and all,. But not when all the characters are vastly different from their original character in the film/book. And always sticking to having one or two OCS. Max 3. Once you have more your story becomes messy, very Mary Sue and shallow. Your OC characters need depth and in the six chapters you used to write your story was not enough at all.
Be consistent also with your characters. And somewhat realistic. I do know this is fanfiction, but even fanfiction has a good and bad section. Stories readers avoid and stories readers worship. Your OCS have outrageous back stories and unrealistic circumstances. Keep the characters consistent to where they are.
Use my advice in the future to write more successful and appealing stories.
Thanks,
D.e.D
8/12/2017 c2 Horizon The Cat
So many things wrong with your fanfiction.
1: Your OC is MarySue
2: Why are your Oc's from parts of the world and also know the human terms.
3: Shere Khan is being too OOC he would be highly aggressive of his territory and wouldn't care about your Oc.
4: Why are there so many stupid man-cubs?
5: Men would kill your Oc when she was trapped not "tame" her as she has "killed" many of their people.
6: Kaa is a bit OOC
7: This book makes no sense and is inconsistant.
I hope it burns in the pits of Tartarous (*''*)
8/10/2016 c6 Guest
Cool! Is there a sequel to this story?
4/15/2016 c6 PrincessOfUnderworld
C'est triste la fin ...
4/6/2016 c4 1A Foreign Forerunner
Hmm... I think Shere Khan is being too OOC
4/6/2016 c2 A Foreign Forerunner
I have a question. Is Tai Shang possibly the daughter of Tai Lung and Tigress. I mean, she IS from China... and she IS a tiger... and her name DOES sound like Tai Lung.
3/28/2016 c6 DANDYSHITS
I loved this story
3/16/2016 c6 Lucy Wants Dick
Loved it it was so cool
1/9/2016 c6 Guest
This was all perfict till the end I was really hoping you would of done a bitter job or maby added a few more chapter. But you really had the characters personality 100% my new favorite couple is khan x tia
7/18/2015 c6 Guest
Lion king 2 standoff at the end of the story Ok shoulda had em say buy
6/21/2015 c6 izzyreads626
aaaaaahhh. Almost perfect, but I'd like to see some sexual activity between Tai Shang and Shere Khan.
12/23/2013 c6 spyrofan34
ok um i think only sent you like one pm sorry about that anyways love the ch
7/21/2013 c5 1Mikado X Goddess
love this story - really wish you would update and complete this story! please do
6/9/2013 c5 Master Tigeress
you need to finish this. i love it.
1/5/2013 c1 Sil
MARY-SUE !
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