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11/11/2012 c1 Le Wild Dumbass Appears
Hey, hey. Guess what's going on this month? I've been on, like, a perpetual period and I've been eating a diet of greens, so I've lost tons of weight. I've also had green diarrhea. Let me tell you about what happened the other day. After my celebratory masturbation, I had to take a shit, like, really bad. So, I ran to the bathroom and took this MASSIVE smelly green shit. Then I found out there was no toilet paper in the bathroom. I didn't want to get my underwear dirty, so I took my pants off and walked like I had a stick up my ass to the next bathroom to get toilet paper, but there was none there either. So, the toilet paper is kept in our garage, so I went out there like I had a stick up my ass to get toilet-fucking-paper. Well, I finally got the toilet paper and cleaned myself up, but it turns out that everywhere I went I left a trail of liquidy green shit and blood. Ok, so I figured that it'd make a nice decoration since it's so close to Christmas so I left it, and I thought nobody would notice it anyhow. Damn, was I wrong. My mom came home and threw this bitch fit, and tore my ass up and threw me out in the backyard while she cleaned it up. My ass hasn't recovered yet, and I'm sitting on a beanbag now, stuffing my face with cheesecake so I can stop myself up again. This was two days ago exactly, and I don't have diarrhea anymore. I've been forbidden to eat any kind of health food, so I've been having this AWESOME time eating all the shit I want. Today was a great day...

So, let's talk about what I had for breakfast! I had some waffles, orange juice, grapefruit, a bowl of cereal, pancakes, bacon and eggs, and-oh, you know what's really good with peanut butter? Jelly. Jelly's really good with peanut butter. Marmalade is good too. Oh...I got off topic. Now, let's talk about lunch. We went out for lunch today, and I had a few pizza rolls, 4 to be exact, 2 egg rolls, and some rice, but I can't remember how much, now that I think about it. Maybe another time I'll tell you about dinner, I'm running out of time here.

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