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2/14/2013 c1 2k+Hawki
-Completely unexpected? Jeez Fred, you and Kelly have only known John for 35 years, “unexpected” may be a bit of an understatement. 0_0

-“Kelly snapped back into the real world, dropped her sketch, and figured out who he was sketching.”

Wait. Is Kelly figuring out who Fred is sketching. Or is Fred? (Yes, it’s the latter, but it’s very awkwardly written.)
“Fred, slightly startled by her sudden response, jerked back, then clumsily picked up her sketchbook and gave hit back.”

I think “hit” should be “it.”

-Looking at this…well, yeah, “OOC” is probably an apt term to describe it. Still, I think it has a sort of charm to it. The pair are conveyed awkwardly enough (in a good sense writing-wise) as you’d expect Spartans to do so when becoming more than ‘just friends.’ So okay job at the end of the day.
1/15/2013 c1 11mkeeg91
I hope this leads up to Kelly/John romance pairing... but I'll read the next story to see ;)
12/17/2012 c1 9Space-Dweeb
This was really good. I don't personally support the John/Kelly relationship, but you wrote it very well. I hope to see some more from you soon.

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