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for Shadow Hearts III: Midnight Decadence

12/11/2012 c1 18Brain Freak
Nice and saucy! I like how you write the interactions between each other. Love it and sorry for the short review. T-T Literally have very little time. Marvelous work my dear.
11/20/2012 c1 2Vocarin
Excellent work as a whole. You give focus to both the setting and the characters, show them against an interesting new setting in the Great Depression, how Malice is growing as a result of the turmoil, what the two are doing as a result of that, and so on. Good descriptions of the setting, the action, and both Johnny and Shania seem fairly well in character on account of being older, and I think the setting's got some potential if you decided to explore it more.

As to some things I think could be worked on. The dialogue seems a bit stilted in some places and not up to what you usually present, if I may say so. Shania saying that Johnny's insatiable, her commenting on Big and Little Master, even some of the lines in the last part, they felt cheesy and unnecessary when the narrative and scene as a whole was so well developed. Also, the piece felt like a lemon for a lemon's sake, rather than touching on the deeper issues like so many of your other works do - these are two characters who have personal issues in spades, after all. A scene opens, Johnny's dreaming, and Shania isn't there, and by the end of the fic she is there, but still in the middle of things. And maybe that's where I'm tripping up, is that it feels like it's ending in the middle of the tale rather than coming to a set conclusion or making any progress. You mention Shania has a moment of vulnerability, and the fact that their sex life is as back-and-forth says a lot on its own, and yet I can't help the feeling like it just didn't get anywhere. Maybe it's just me.

All in all though, an excellent read, and, as always, I look forward to more.

Vocarin
11/18/2012 c1 13ArthurJones93
o u o oh my *nosebleed*
very nice, and very well written :)
11/18/2012 c1 43Leebot
A few random notes as I read through:

I notice you like to vary the terms you use to describe people (eg. calling Shania "the Garvoy warrior"), which is good to a point. But you have to be careful not to do it too much, lest it become distracting. The last thing you want is to break the reader out of the story, which can happen when you use an odd one. Case in point: referring to Johnny as "the Malice-ridden man." I had to stop and reread to confirm that you meant him (as opposed to Killer, for instance). I think the biggest problem with this particular term is that you said "man" rather than "young man," which fits Johnny better in my mind. (You didn't make it clear until later in the fic just how much time had passed.)

There's one recommendation I often hear to writers that I think you might want to consider: Don't use a five-dollar word when a fifty-cent word will do. Which is to say, the vast majority of readers will have a worse vocabulary than you, and you want them to be able to read it without skipping words or going to a dictionary. Of course, this doesn't apply when you need a word with a very specific meaning, and there aren't many common words that will work (as an example, I find in writing some of my papers that the word "constituent" is simply irreplaceable).

But aside from those points, I really did enjoy this fic, Tiger. Once the lovemaking started, I found it all too easy to get lost in it all. It seemed so sweet, so natural... and so arousing. I think you did a great job at both of their characterizations, overall. I was a bit surprised to find that Shania might enjoy being spanked, but of course, that's the type of kink that wouldn't be at all visible in the game. A lot of people who are very dominant in the rest of life get a kick out of being dominated in bed, so a kink like that isn't unusual at all. And now you've gotten me wondering just how kinky she truly is... *evil twinkle in his eye*
11/18/2012 c1 7Frosty Wolf
A perfect mix of kink and vanilla, very good for this couple.

Overall, a well done story. Definitely worth the read, good job!
11/18/2012 c1 HeartlessTitania
Okay, first off I gotta laugh at the last line of your authors note. That made my day. :D
Eh-hm, now for the actual review:
As far a the characterization, it is a bit off, just slightly. I don't think Shania would ever use the word 'insatiable.' Not that she's stupid or anything considering how quiet, yet hard edged she her personality is, :) but her dialogue seems more short and to the point, especially if she were talking to johnny

But overall this was very...what's the word? Erotic, sensual, sexy lol. I usually don't read lemons much. If there in a story I bypass them mostly. I've only read a few, but I liked this. I like that your descriptions are accurate for this too. The ones that I've read don't have very good detail. (They seem rushed and stuff)The ones I've read just threw out she did this and he did that and she...

You know what? I am now too embarrassed to even finish what I was about to type *blushes* Well, you did a good job, so... Yeah lol ... :I ...I'm gonna go hideout for a bit too...

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