for Champion of Champions3/30/2013 c5 Guest
what was the point of ash bringing out his "A Team" if he only used them to blast off team rocket
what was the point of ash bringing out his "A Team" if he only used them to blast off team rocket
3/30/2013 c6 
1DizzyDiana
About time u written an update. I was wondering when u were gonna put the next chapter in. I also can't wait to see Haruka (May) compete in the contest so that she can win & be Satoshi's (Ash's) date to the banquet as he is Rota's newest Aura Guardian. But what I can't wait to see is when Satoshi tells Haruka that he's in love with her as well as getting back to Kanto to challenge Misty & the rest of the league. Can't wait for your next chapter to come out & I'm dying to read more soon. :)
1DizzyDianaAbout time u written an update. I was wondering when u were gonna put the next chapter in. I also can't wait to see Haruka (May) compete in the contest so that she can win & be Satoshi's (Ash's) date to the banquet as he is Rota's newest Aura Guardian. But what I can't wait to see is when Satoshi tells Haruka that he's in love with her as well as getting back to Kanto to challenge Misty & the rest of the league. Can't wait for your next chapter to come out & I'm dying to read more soon. :)
3/21/2013 c5 BFG
Keep writing the story please and as for an electric type you could have an electivire.
Keep writing the story please and as for an electric type you could have an electivire.
3/11/2013 c5 Detshanu
Great story! Although your lack of proper punctuation leaves you with a lot of run on sentences, making your writing hard to read. But the story and descriptions of what happen therein, are superlative.
Ash's face went pale. 'I have to battle Riley and his Lucario without any help?' He thought. 'I can't do that! I've never been able to beat him on his own during my training. How am I supposed to do it now?'
That line is the last one from Chapter 5. I edited it to show you what I mean.
The original is here: Ash's face went pale "I have to battle Riley and his Lucario without any help" he thought "I can't do that I've never been able to beat him on his own during my training. How am I going to do that?"
Italics replaced with quotations. I think you should do Italics AND an apostrophe (') when the words are thought. It'll help differentiate between who is saying what, and how they're doing it. Also, more conjunctions (i.e. you're, they're, it's [as in, it is], we're, how'd, I'd), but only when appropriate for the character. Such as, Ash and the gang. But not Pokemon who communicate via telepathy, or people who are curt or high spoken. Like Henry or Queen Ilene. And I know that your aim is to mature Ash, which you have done well, but the way you write his speech feels too, grown up? Hmm, that's not really the right word...maybe, eloquent? Whatever word I'm looking for, he doesn't feel enough like a teen to me. More WOOHOOs and ALRIGHT!s, y'know?
Great story! Although your lack of proper punctuation leaves you with a lot of run on sentences, making your writing hard to read. But the story and descriptions of what happen therein, are superlative.
Ash's face went pale. 'I have to battle Riley and his Lucario without any help?' He thought. 'I can't do that! I've never been able to beat him on his own during my training. How am I supposed to do it now?'
That line is the last one from Chapter 5. I edited it to show you what I mean.
The original is here: Ash's face went pale "I have to battle Riley and his Lucario without any help" he thought "I can't do that I've never been able to beat him on his own during my training. How am I going to do that?"
Italics replaced with quotations. I think you should do Italics AND an apostrophe (') when the words are thought. It'll help differentiate between who is saying what, and how they're doing it. Also, more conjunctions (i.e. you're, they're, it's [as in, it is], we're, how'd, I'd), but only when appropriate for the character. Such as, Ash and the gang. But not Pokemon who communicate via telepathy, or people who are curt or high spoken. Like Henry or Queen Ilene. And I know that your aim is to mature Ash, which you have done well, but the way you write his speech feels too, grown up? Hmm, that's not really the right word...maybe, eloquent? Whatever word I'm looking for, he doesn't feel enough like a teen to me. More WOOHOOs and ALRIGHT!s, y'know?
3/9/2013 c5 jack
i thought he shouldn't do anything because of his shoulder
i thought he shouldn't do anything because of his shoulder
3/11/2013 c5 6Lightningblade49
As was alot more brutal that was expected I expect Team roket out of commition for a while they should at least broken some bones, Electivire or Luxray for elctric types
6Lightningblade49As was alot more brutal that was expected I expect Team roket out of commition for a while they should at least broken some bones, Electivire or Luxray for elctric types
3/10/2013 c5 TartanBoy10
Loving this story so far!
As for your AN about ash catching an electric pokemon, would it be possible for him to catch an Elekid or Tynamo. I would probably choose Elekid though because Elekud is native to Kanto while Tynamo isn't.
Loving this story so far!
As for your AN about ash catching an electric pokemon, would it be possible for him to catch an Elekid or Tynamo. I would probably choose Elekid though because Elekud is native to Kanto while Tynamo isn't.
3/9/2013 c5 5lucarioADV
Great chapter, it's sure gonna be hard for Ash in his graduation. As for electric pokemon, might I suggest Joltik or Galvantula? I haven't read many fics with him using either of them.
5lucarioADVGreat chapter, it's sure gonna be hard for Ash in his graduation. As for electric pokemon, might I suggest Joltik or Galvantula? I haven't read many fics with him using either of them.
3/9/2013 c5 20Rose Duchess
Awesome plot twist! I'm glad Meowth is trying to be a better Pokemon. The little alone time with Ash and May was sweet. I also thought the Pokemon they got when their eggs hatched were cool. Great job! I hope you update soon. I hope Ash graduates and Meowth learn new moves.
20Rose DuchessAwesome plot twist! I'm glad Meowth is trying to be a better Pokemon. The little alone time with Ash and May was sweet. I also thought the Pokemon they got when their eggs hatched were cool. Great job! I hope you update soon. I hope Ash graduates and Meowth learn new moves.
3/9/2013 c5 27darkmachines
Here are my ideas on an electric type of Ash should catch. Magnemite, Elekid, Joltik, or Tynamo.
27darkmachinesHere are my ideas on an electric type of Ash should catch. Magnemite, Elekid, Joltik, or Tynamo.
3/9/2013 c5 1DizzyDiana
I totally luv this story so far. I can't wait to read more on how Ash is gonna graduate without the help of his Pokemon or his Aura abilities. Yikes! WOW! I'm also shocked to find that Meowth wants to travel with Ash to become stronger as well as becoming part of the family. Man... this story keeps getting better & better everytime I see the update for it. I really can't wait until u update more on this story cause I'm dying to read it & I really hate waiting. :( Good Luck!
1DizzyDianaI totally luv this story so far. I can't wait to read more on how Ash is gonna graduate without the help of his Pokemon or his Aura abilities. Yikes! WOW! I'm also shocked to find that Meowth wants to travel with Ash to become stronger as well as becoming part of the family. Man... this story keeps getting better & better everytime I see the update for it. I really can't wait until u update more on this story cause I'm dying to read it & I really hate waiting. :( Good Luck!