Just In
for On the Beach

10/11/2016 c1 bluepotato1
:D XD keep writing!
4/23/2013 c1 Anjanie
like itt
11/27/2012 c1 Chin Suginei
A couple of spelling errors, though your punctuation has improved greatly! Err... but major OOCness...


-"Aw, come on, it's fun!"

-"This is my car NOT yours!" The brunette made the final decision with a loud shout.

-"Tch- fine." The silver-hair boy obeyed, with a bit of a childish form on his face.

-"Shirou! We're here!" The brunette stop the car, letting the boy watch the view before him. ((Okay, there's another issue here... the topic jumped way too fast. At least describe action first. Like a sigh.))

-"A lot, indeed." ((It's also kind of out of character for Shirou to use this tone...))

-"Oi Fubuki, Aki! We're here!" A spiky-hair boy called out from a distance away as the duo turned around and saw the boy. ((...Aki? Then what happened before was way too out of character, sad to say... and I believe she should call him "Fubuki-kun", right?))

-"Fubuki! Aki!" Then another came, it's a brunette with an orange head band on his head.

-"Endou!" the silver head smile brightly at the fact that he met his friends again.

-"Hey Hiroto, Midorikawa." Aki waved 'hi' to the other duo before them. ((Shouldn't she address them as "-kun"...?))

-"Hey, Kazemaru." Hiroto greeted the teal-net behind Endou's back, who had been one of the soldiers in Endou's squad.

And please refrain from using "WTF", as it is a story, not a chat.

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