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8/26/2015 c5 Stone474
This is my first Warhammar fic, and what a great way to start it off. Striking scorpions were always one of my favourite types of Aspect warrior. Really enjoying this, and excited for more updates
10/8/2014 c5 3MrMerrey
A good story with nice action. But I feel that the Eldar and Tau have trusted each other a little too readily, and despite the gore it all feels a little bright and cheery for a 40k story.

But over all a good action packed story, and Im looking forward to see if the plan works.
8/27/2014 c5 Guest
8/27/2014 c4 Guest
arent eldar meant to be more um... refined?
8/27/2014 c2 Guest
8/27/2014 c1 Guest
5/25/2014 c5 artilyon-rand
ok ok let s see what comes
5/25/2014 c4 artilyon-rand
good a jerk
5/25/2014 c3 artilyon-rand
it wpuldbe niceif our belove catholic space Nazi show up
5/25/2014 c2 artilyon-rand
well i believe a lot more in the tau carácter here cuz well they are space comunist :D about the eldar ...he is to...well...good guy?¡i mean is that r he s upto something if you know why i mean they can be rational but never forget their arrogant way of thinking it is plante in the core of they soul just like the regular imperial is absurdly suspicious ...huh you ..eldar and Imperial thats why i think a couple interracial between both them would work so good,,,thats all xd
5/25/2014 c1 artilyon-rand
do nor believe on Eldars wordss
3/30/2014 c5 3Chandagnac
I have tried to like this story but I am afraid that I just don't. My biggest problem is that massive changes to the 40K canon have occurred in the backstory, leaving me struggling to catch up. Most of the bitter enmities so important to 40K seem to have been resolved offscreen. There are a lot of minor things that I find offputting (e.g. why do all the eldar have Japanese names? How did the eldar and Imperial forces get tyrannids to ally with them? Why did the tyrannids ally with anyone instead of just devouring everything?) There are just so many unexplained deviations from canon that I almost feel like this isn't a Warhammer 40K story at all.

Maybe that makes me a hypocrite. My 'The Road to Disappointment' story deviates from canon quite a lot. I don't know if everything in that story makes sense to anyone else even if it makes sense to me. Maybe I'm criticizing you for things that I am also guilty of, I don't know. Sorry. You asked for my opinion and I'm giving it to you, honestly.
2/5/2014 c5 6AK-4142
I like this. You really nailed the differences between the Tau and Eldar and the characterization of both. Presenting the first part of the story from Gialia's point of view is an interesting insight to how a Fire Warrior would view the world. There are some minor spelling and usage errors, but nothing major. I look forward to reading more.
1/15/2014 c5 3TheZadak
Just finished reading all five chapters and there are some points that are good and some points that are not so good.

- The action is quite nicely written and it's clear what's going on; however there was an awful lot of it and that made for some pretty big gaps between sections where good character development was demonstrated. My favourite bit of action was when Gialia falls into a sewer and has a close encounter with an ork, because he seemed to be in real peril; he was getting beat up and was quite out-matched, and in the end only just got through. I never got the same sense of excitement with Hitome's action scenes, but I'll get to him later.

- There are a few grammar errors here and there but nothing criminal, and nothing glaring that someone else hasn't posted, so I can't to fault you on this front.

- I remember a few moments where terminology was used that doesn't fit the world of 40K, such as:
- The term "donkey's years" was used at one point when talking about Tau. The term is great to use when describing something from the perspective of someone who would actually use this phrase. But I don't believe Tau even have donkeys.
- Gailia uses the phrase "come down to earth" (or something along those lines, forgive my memory) when talking to Hitome. This is odd because Tau are not from Earth, and Earth isn't even called Earth anymore; it just seems out of place. Maybe you should tau up the phrase (come down to T'au for example.)
- A tau mentions a "hard-cover telephone directory". This doesn't seem very futuristic or very Tau (who seem like they would use digital communication systems with no use for directories)

- The ethereal is referred to as "your holiness" this seems wrong for tau, who do not believe in deities. Holiness is a religious word, often used when addressing the Pope.

- Now we move to Hitome.
- The first thing that strikes me is that he's got a girl's name (Sazuko (sounds like Sasuko in my head) and Hitome (sounds like Hitomi in my head) are both girl's name in Japan). I know he's an alien, but it can still be a bit distracting.
- Secondly, he seems to be a very good fighter, I mean a VERY good fighter, he never puts a foot wrong on the battlefield. A character with no weaknesses does not convey excitement. Compare that to Gailia though, who does have weaknesses, when he gets in trouble I get really interested because there is a chance he might get hurt but I feel that Hitome is safe no matter what the situation is because he can always handle it.
- Lastly, he seems to be inconsistent. The moment he's put into a robe and a social situation he stumbles over himself and makes everyone feel awkward. Where as before he was the epitome of grace and perfect form, often saying wise words to Gailia.

- I really like Gailia on the other hand, he is a much more well rounded character, and I enjoy reading about him a lot more. Over all a much more identifiable character than Hitome with more emotion and believable flaws.

- Show more and tell less, just a little thing, at times it felt I was being told the story as opposed to being shown the events. This is just down to practice, I haven't mastered it yet, not by a long way.

Don't get me wrong, this is a good story so keep going, I really want to know what happens to Gailia and if he gets out of this Ork Waaagh.
Sorry for the long review; I'm just a horrible knit picker when it comes to reviews on fiction, I hope it's been useful to you at least.
12/26/2013 c5 KennyGant7865
I just noticed why is it that the number of chapters don't really change? Or is it just me?
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