for HikaruXharuhi:a bad day,a date,a disaster and a love that was foretold6/15/2013 c3 
45Starysky205
I liiike :3
Poor Hikaru! I hope he'll make up with Haruhi
this is pretty cool and that was well writen (?
I hope I could read the next one soon
-Star
45Starysky205I liiike :3
Poor Hikaru! I hope he'll make up with Haruhi
this is pretty cool and that was well writen (?
I hope I could read the next one soon
-Star
6/15/2013 c3 HalfBlindFeline
You haven't improved by much since the last time I read this. You still have the same difficulties:
1: Remember to capitalize the first letter of each sentence. Even when they're talking.
2: Use correct punctuation, like commas, periods, question marks, apostrophes, and exclamation points.
3: You sometimes use the wrong homophone (words that sound the same but mean something different). Like when the dad was yelling at Hikaru, he said 'DO YOU HERE ME?' There, you were supposed to use 'hear', as in 'do you hear something?'
I look forward to your next chapter.
Loves
You haven't improved by much since the last time I read this. You still have the same difficulties:
1: Remember to capitalize the first letter of each sentence. Even when they're talking.
2: Use correct punctuation, like commas, periods, question marks, apostrophes, and exclamation points.
3: You sometimes use the wrong homophone (words that sound the same but mean something different). Like when the dad was yelling at Hikaru, he said 'DO YOU HERE ME?' There, you were supposed to use 'hear', as in 'do you hear something?'
I look forward to your next chapter.
Loves
4/29/2013 c2 HalfBlindFeline
You have improved greatly since last chapter! I am very proud of you.
1. You are still having a bit of trouble with punctuation. Like periods.,commas(,) and apostrophes(').
2, Some trouble of capitalizing. (It's I'm, not im)
Everything else was okay. Keep improving!
You have improved greatly since last chapter! I am very proud of you.
1. You are still having a bit of trouble with punctuation. Like periods.,commas(,) and apostrophes(').
2, Some trouble of capitalizing. (It's I'm, not im)
Everything else was okay. Keep improving!
4/29/2013 c2 Guest
aw sweet
aw sweet
12/1/2012 c1 45Starysky205
it's a bit... confusing, in 'writting' terms
but it's very interesting and gets to the point
so go on! I'm looking forward for the next chapter
-star
45Starysky205it's a bit... confusing, in 'writting' terms
but it's very interesting and gets to the point
so go on! I'm looking forward for the next chapter
-star
12/1/2012 c1 HalfBlindFeline
Well, I don't want to rain on your parade but...I will, however, give you advice.
1. The story was obviously lazily written. Take your time, make sure you use "quotation marks" EVERY time someone says something. And please, hit the 'ENTER' EVERY time someone says something. This will make it visually pleasing and easier to read.
2. Capitalize your sentences. ALWAYS! I thought you would've learned that in first grade. Always capitalize the word at the beginning of each sentence, someone's name, or a name of a place. (Example: Wacky World of Warcraft) This is totally made up. (Also, please capitalize the title of your story)
3. You have a good plot, in some way. I think you need to get rid of some unwanted (parenthesis) okay? Like when Hikaru and Haruhi are walking home, when Haruhi spoke, you don't have to put (to Hikaru) because they are the only ones there that you have bothered to mention.
Hope this helped. PM me if you need to talk.
Love from the Raven's Nest
Well, I don't want to rain on your parade but...I will, however, give you advice.
1. The story was obviously lazily written. Take your time, make sure you use "quotation marks" EVERY time someone says something. And please, hit the 'ENTER' EVERY time someone says something. This will make it visually pleasing and easier to read.
2. Capitalize your sentences. ALWAYS! I thought you would've learned that in first grade. Always capitalize the word at the beginning of each sentence, someone's name, or a name of a place. (Example: Wacky World of Warcraft) This is totally made up. (Also, please capitalize the title of your story)
3. You have a good plot, in some way. I think you need to get rid of some unwanted (parenthesis) okay? Like when Hikaru and Haruhi are walking home, when Haruhi spoke, you don't have to put (to Hikaru) because they are the only ones there that you have bothered to mention.
Hope this helped. PM me if you need to talk.
Love from the Raven's Nest