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for Bade through the holidays

7/3/2020 c3 Guest
Love this!
12/27/2013 c3 1Quinxyx
please update soon! :) ;)
4/2/2013 c2 Alice Oliver
I love this! Well done! xxx
1/3/2013 c3 Guest
Awww, so cute!
12/12/2012 c2 5XXXArianaArmyXXX
Awwwww sweet! :) More please!
12/8/2012 c1 Jesus and his Lawyers
Claire the Logic Fairy here to deliver her first requested review ever, I don't know about y'all, but I'm excited. Let's get going, shall we?

GRAMMAR

Let's talk capitalization, okay? Things that are capitalized:
-The first word in a sentence.
-Proper nouns (names, places, titles etc.)
-The pronoun "I"

Things that were capitalized in this story:
-Not a lot

Things like "I" and the first letter in a sentence are pretty basic grammar skills. It makes your writing look sloppy when these things are not done correctly, so...get on that.

The other thing I noticed was dialogue, quotation marks look like this: " not like this ' Another thing that can make the writing look unprofessional. Commas are also a minor problem here.

My suggestion? Invest in a spell grammar check, Microsoft Word has one built in, or you can download them for free online. It makes everybody's lives a lot easier.

CHARACTERS

For the most part, I think the characters were pretty good. There were a few moments of uncomfortable OOCness, but other than that, decent job.

PLOT

If you ask me, I think I would've enjoyed this more if it had just been about the shopping trip. It could've been drawn out a lot more and potentially been really funny and entertaining. The ending seemed a little big awkward, but that may just be because I'm getting nauseous thinking about two characters from a children's TV show having sex. Ph well.

Over all, decent job. Your main problem really was just grammar, so hop to fixing that.

-Claire: Logic Fairy
PS: I'm adding your story to my C2 only because I do that with every story I review, not because it's terrible. So, don't freak out when you get the email saying it's been added, do you get an email? Oh well, just letting you know because I like you. Yay
12/4/2012 c1 1alwaysthinking101
amazing
12/2/2012 c1 Lily
I loved it. It was cute and sweet. Please update quickly. :)

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