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11/10/2019 c8 MariSoLovely
I wish you could update this
5/25/2017 c4 Guest
definitely in
5/19/2017 c8 Minho'sgirl15
I love this story your an amazing writer

But you fucking suck
8/30/2016 c8 Guest
wow, great story please update ur an amazing writer so much detail but just some constructive criticism sometimes it is better to wait a while before posting and correcting grammar and spelling then just trying to update really fast . you are an awesome writer keep it up. if you need help with the grammar or spelling ( I suck at my spelling) I use an app called Grammarly that helps you correct grammar and spelling. also, this is just my opinion and I do not mean it in a bad way a writer helping another writer.

Thanks once again great story and please keep updating
1/23/2015 c8 darkworkangel
do you plan to finish this if so when it's a great story
6/30/2014 c8 Guest
Its been over a year update
5/21/2014 c8 Guest
Aww please update soon I'm dying over here to find out what happens
7/23/2013 c8 4mischeif maker
cool story
1/16/2013 c8 xXChikiXx
LUCY HIT THE CAN ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
1/16/2013 c8 2Yuni-sama
Guhh...! Who the hell is the father?
1/15/2013 c5 2Jerrac
I like the concept of Lucy staying behind. It would be very interesting to see what she could do with 7 years of experience.

I'd suggest you never post a draft chapter like this chapter 5 again. The number of spelling and grammar mistakes makes it hard to get into the story.

I'd also suggest editing previous chapters some more. I noticed a lot of mistakes. Especially with ending punctuation and capitalization.

The point of view switching doesn't work very well. First person perspective works best (at least for me) when the reader has time to adopt the mindset of the person who's perspective they're reading. The incredibly short sections from Hibiki's POV just didn't do that.

My first suggestion would be to only use Lucy's POV. Or to rewrite in third person.

If you have to use more than one perspective, make each POV at least long enough to be a complete scene. Preferably as long as a chapter would be, even if it spans multiple chapters.

Don't use "Hibiki's P.O.V" type headers if you can help it. Each perspective change should open with enough information to make it clear who it's changed to. The headers break the flow of reading by forcing the reader to remember they are reading fiction, instead of living in the story.

Anyway, it looks like you're having fun with this story. So if my review ruins any of that fun, just ignore it. But I do hope I at least said something that helps in a small way.
1/15/2013 c7 13HaH3
hello, I like! the next chapter I will wait impatiently, please upload it as fast as possible, I love this story, I was surprised and delighted, greetings and farewell.

ps: is my favorite story, sorry if I write wrong, since no English.

1/15/2013 c7 10ultima-owner
That photo is summed up with one word: wow
1/15/2013 c7 62TheBlackSeaReaper
12/16/2012 c6 1Killer Moon Lover
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