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for New overlord

9/23/2018 c1 9JesterDGrowlithe
Great grammar and all but there are some problems.

First: Preference of females over males, they are minions, they don't need to look good, and they are meant to die for you, so you are letting females fight and die for you more than males. It gives the impression of you being a coward and being easily threatened by masculinity thus do not easily allow such in your presence.

Second: Things are progressing too fast. I would have expected a period where Ren has to scavenge for food, hell maybe he would even use telekinesis to hunt rats and either drain their life force or cook them, or better yet do both.

Third: Power unearned tends to go to one's head. Ren should become arrogant quickly, sure of his power as the Overlord but not his own power rather his title's power. He should have met the succubus after some time, actually it would have been far more interesting if they had been elves, druids, or something like that, even ratmen(rat girls) would have been better.

Fourth: Summoning a general... That didn't seem fitting to me. If it had been that easy then any Overlord would have done it, unless Gnarl had prevented it somehow. I also would have loved it if Ren had to sacrifice one minion of each class to summon/create a General.

Fifth: I would much rather have read a version of this story where Ren starts out ugly, and disliked by those around him, but earns their favor through kindness.

Let me tell list you how I would start this story.

First Ren would either summoned or stumbled into the tower, better yet if he had been reborn on that world, saw the cruelty of the empire first hand, and then ran away from someone high up to the Tower, in hopes of either the new Overlord or Gnarl saving him or him becoming the new Overlord.

Second he would arrive to the tower in rags, his travel to the Tower being hampered by wolves, other violent animals, and general harshness of wilderness. He would stumble upon the tower and look around helplessly and with full desperation, he would see that even Gnarl was death and he would rage, cry and hit something. The Orb.

Third the Orb would be activated by the negativity in his heart and accept Ren as the new Overlord, but sadly there isn't anything to Lord over anymore, the minion Hives are purified, tower itself is in such a condition that even Ren would hessitate to call it a tower, and everything just gone. As the red Orb causes Ren to scream in agony through its attempts at merging with Ren, who isn't evil, it hurts but eventually the merge completes.

Fourth Ren would dream of the past Overlords raging and pillaging, he would see the previous Overlords waving a hand and buildings getting crushed, he would see people cowering in front of his eyes, he would see gouts of fire bursting from the Overlord gauntlet. Then he would wake up and his orbed hand would shot forth to capture a creature that tried to eat him, it could be a bat, a rat, or something similar, but Ren would have no problem holding it in his empowered hand, he would instinctually dominate the creature's mind, or he would drain its life force, or he would simply crush its neck with disturbing ease.

Fifth he would start learning how to survive, how to fight back against the wildlife and conquer the forest the tower stood in, he would slowly take control of animals, mostly rats and bats, he would, some time later, stumble upon a woman, whether it be a noble girl escaping from an arranged marriage, her father's enemies, or ratgirls or a few vampires or something entirely different. And things would develop from there.

Sixth it would be a really nice addition if a cowen of vampires decide to hunt Ren because he was killing bats, then seeing his youth and the potential of a vampire as the Overlord they decide on turning him. But the Orb prevents them from turning him if he doesn't want to, and he wouldn't want to stuck as a kid forever so he doesn't want to be turned into a vampire yet so instead he employs them as his first minions...

You know I just realized that I could have written my own story instead of writing this comment, but meh, this is a pretty good One-Shot idea and I don't want to write more so feel free to use any it as you please.
7/28/2018 c56 Douge
Hello I want you to know that your story is amazing and I wanted to get your permission to copy it and upload it to Wattpad I will of course give you full credit wich is why I’m asking for your permission
7/23/2018 c17 Douge118
The emperor has a serious god complex something that I hate...can't wait for Ren to kill him
5/4/2018 c17 2dirtrevor
Dude, I like this story, I really do but I can't handle how you're miss using all the words. Like this for example: grate means a metal plate that stops objects from going t down a drain while great means something that is good or a lot of something.

"That's a great amount of food." "It just went down that grate."

Another thing. When you add 's to something it means the object mentioned before belongs to someone."that is Trevor's dog." It can also be used to conjunction is with another word, it depends on the context.

Sorry if I sound mean but I just can't take it anymore because of how the words are used.
5/1/2018 c3 dirtyboi
I'm seeing a lot of spelling mistakes. Might want to go over it again. Several words are being used in the wrong context.
4/10/2018 c3 7Paxloria
The father's of Kelda and Jena, are they alive or dead or undead?
First you wrote that Kelda's father raised her to serve the govenor, he was visiously determined to the point of killing any boy she paid attention to.
A man that 'loyal wouldn't be killed by the Govenor, but here you wrote that he was.
Here you wrote that Jena, not Kelda, was a baby left on a doorstep, and then wrote that she's a princess and that Volg was invaded and the royal family killed.
Then you wrote that the Empire kept their word and that Jena's father arranged for her to marry that General.

You see how confusing this is right?
So whats the true situation with the sister's family's?
2/25/2018 c10 Degradation
I have to admit as a straight man these threesomes and up are a bit awkward... it’s also hard to remember all the characters, I know I’m late but I hope you can answer a few questions so far,
1. Is the wolf cub a special kind of wolf?
2. Will there be Vampires, Werewolves, Dragons, or halfbreeds?
3. Is this a trilogy? I know there’s a sequel but I wanna know if there’s more than a sequel, I haven’t checked the sequel because it usually ruins it for me with the title
4. I thought this was an Ovelord Fanfiction (The Anime) but nonetheless, you got me hoooooooked
6/14/2017 c5 RogueShadow222
This reminds me of shantae half genie hero and the song "dance through the danger"
3/1/2017 c57 10godofmadness43
well this was a good story
2/28/2017 c57 4Gamelover41592
awesome work on this chapter thanks for an awesome fic and looking forward to the sequel
2/28/2017 c57 30Linkonpark100
Yay! Sequel! And it's an Overlord x Rosario crossover!
2/20/2017 c56 DecaG
2/20/2017 c56 6pedrofaria339
Rosario Vampire with Takeshi
2/19/2017 c56 rongladiator
A Star Wars/ Star Trek/Star Gate crossover.
2/19/2017 c56 4Gamelover41592
Rosario vampire with Takeshi
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