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for Fate and Magic

11/19 c57 naia1
plz update!plz!
11/28/2019 c50 2Claret Tho
Hi there,

So I’ve read to this point and I honestly have a few critiques.

Firstly, as others have pointed out, the mood swings you wrote Lillian with are way too over the top. The qualities you’ve written her with are strong but they do not put weigh the character flaws she has. She’s reactive, she’s bratty and immature and stubborn to the point of unreal. Whilst they can be flaws to start with, a character should grow and learn from them. The first two chapters where Lillian suddenly cannot stand him and has to move rooms away from him was an overreaction when she could have talked it over with him and learnt from the event. And then by chapter 40 she’s hacking off her own hair because he went back to Camelot. I must admit, I had to skip some chapters to get to that point because I was fed up with how Lillian was reacting to everything and I had hoped for some improvement between chapter 16 and chapter 30.

The way a lot of the characters react to one another sometimes are also out of proportion. It can be frustrating to read.

However you have a very good writing style but your descriptions could be a little more detailed. I honestly have no idea how to visualise Lillian as anything other than ‘beautiful’ and I have no idea whether she takes after her father or her mother in looks or hair colour. For that matter though I have no idea what Irwin looks like at all.

I enjoyed the link in power you created between Merlin and Lillian and also the friendship that developed because of that link in power.

I hope you’re well and continue to write but maybe take on some of the critiques, my opinions align with most of what people are saying in the reviews.
7/14/2018 c48 Guest
Honestly Liliana is being over dramatic and self centered. She’s really pathetic and irritating to read about.
7/14/2018 c37 Guest
Liliana is so stupid. She basically does the same stuff over and over, and so far there’s been no character development with her at all. Very disappointed.
7/6/2018 c55 4dream lighting
Wow don’t be too long please hate Gwen she better not steal Arthur away at all go Morgana stop Gwen steeling him love your character please don’t be too long I’ve missed his happy they are together
6/11/2018 c27 Purplestan
I totally don't get it. In this chapter lily is saying her brother wanted her to leave Camelot. But in a previous chapter when she decided not to go he was all happy and jolly saying he didn't mind her staying.
6/8/2018 c22 Purplestan
I don't understand lily. Like back then royals would have been made to marry each other to unite two kingdoms so why does lily think they can't ever be together? They are literally the perfect match and lily is only the princess she won't ever get the throne since her brother is king. So she could easily be with Arthur. It makes no sense. Sorry for all my reviews but some of the stuff you write is pretty confusing.
6/8/2018 c15 Purplestan
So in this chapter lily tells merlin she is leaving to go home. And later on Arthur tells merlin he overheard the after the battle Merlin tells Arthur that lily is leaving and he looks at merlin in shock. How can he be in shock when he already knows?
6/7/2018 c9 Purplestan
Your writing always seems to contradict itself. Like in this chapter when lily is talking about her brother forcing her into a marriage Arthur is thinking that its true and arranged marriages always happen. But then he tells lily that her brother wouldn't make her do that. How does that make sense? Arthur is clearly contradicting himself. Unless he's telling lily that her brother wouldn't do that so she doesn't get worried or upset and if that is the case you should really write that because it's just so confusing. Another bit that confused me was where merlin made lily's room better after she messed it up. But then lily says something about merlin getting there in time before she trashed her room. But she did trash her room because merlin used a spell to clean it up. And also you wrote that lily broke chairs just because people weren't letting her choose if she wanted to leave or not. That's just a tiny bit extreme. No one would do that unless they have some serious anger issues. I really don't understand your writing at all but I'm reading on to see if your writing has got better over time as this could be a really good story. Maybe you should go though your earlier chapters and actually see if they make any sense because to me they don't. And you definitely need to work on character development. Lily literally has no personality and it's really confusing. I also think she's a Mary Sue unfortunately. Anyway I hope you aren't offended by this review because that's not what I was trying to do.
6/6/2018 c8 Purplestan
Again this chapter made no sense. Lily has been saying that she doesn't like her brother and hasn't talked to him in a while but when he shows up she acts like none of that is true. Do you forget what you've written or something?
6/6/2018 c7 Purplestan
I don't want to sound rude but lily is really confusing one moment she's all happy and jolly with Arthur then she suddenly acts like she hates him. It makes no sense.
5/10/2018 c55 5grapejuice101
Welcome back! I really missed this story! More please
5/7/2018 c55 HPuni101
Glad you're back. Thanks for another great chapter. Looking forward to more. Hope things get better for you. Best wishes.
5/7/2018 c55 ErikaconlaK
OMG,you're back! Love this chapter!
2/1/2018 c26 GiggleboxGirlie
FINALLY! Lily's constant mood swings, stress, and depression was stressing me out! I can't blame her but, it kept getting worse and I thought it would NEVER end. Glad they got there.
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