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8/31/2013 c3 10ilikehats2
...O.o
WHOA
5/1/2013 c1 3mojoboy31
Nice prologue. This story has potential. I'm no expert, but I would suggest you find better "scene transitions" than, "at the scene: "... It's kind of jarring. And, while I'm there, I might as well ask where the scene was? I don't think you ever described where they were fighting Slade. I'm not trying to flame you. I did enjoy this. I'm just trying to offer up some "helpful" criticism.

Other than that, your action was good. Could have used some more detail, but it was still good.

In all, I enjoyed this.
4/30/2013 c1 6runobody2
Hmmmm, ok but i suggest 1. don't bold everything and 2. use a basic spell checker on your summary.
3/30/2013 c2 7gabylokita41
Nice i gatta say it very interesting i already wanna see what happens next keep it up :)
3/25/2013 c2 10S.E Writes
Awww, cliffhanger... UPDATE SOON IN LOVE WITH THIS STORY!
3/23/2013 c2 10krostovikraven1
this story seems to have some interesting plot. i hope you continue it soon.
1/1/2013 c2 Unkown Stranger
ohhh, interesting ! Good start, but slow down, you seemed to just rush through this, please take your time, add details, words, phrases.
12/30/2012 c1 DarlingMettaton
THIS IS SOOOOO AWESOME I HATE CLIFFIES BUTYOU MAKE THEM LOOOK GOOOOD! I WANT YOU TO UPDATE SOON!

ps: You can submit still.
12/25/2012 c1 Unkown Stranger
OH, interesting ! Please continue, this is a good start !
12/15/2012 c1 7XxAngelWithoutWingsxX
Hehehehe glad you updated! hmmm blue jay is it? And brother? Interesting...keep posting!

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