4/29/2022 c14 Guest
wow

1/2/2019 c6 20MosaicCreme
Ethan sighed. Inside, there were 16 double beds, eight at each side. At the end in front of them was a window, encasing a picture of a black void filled with blinking stars. - This is a bit jolting, especially coming right after his sigh and right before his response. I'd suggest finding a better location for the info.

“Alan Cain is KIA and Christina Rosaline’s critically injured in the fight. We’re unable to retrieve Alan’s body, but Christina needs medical treatment ASAP.” - Since the acts that killed Cain and injured Rosaline have already happened and you're directly referencing back to the fight in which it happened, I'd recommend using past tense. Cain 'was' KIA and Rosaline 'was' critically injured. It's dialogue, though, so grammar is a little less pressing of an issue, but still ...

You also jumped from Jennifer's POV to Lynch's POV in that section, and it's a bit confusing.

“Well, excuse me for asking,” Ethan responded. - I was a little taken aback by his response because it didn't seem like the answer he got was a rude one.

down the hallway and take a left turn. - Needs to be 'took' a left turn.

She still showed slight disgust in uttering his teleportation device. - This feels like it's missing 'the name of' after 'uttering'.

“Whatever it is, long as skintight suits are involved, I’m in,” Ethan joked. “Also, if you look so perfect, then why do you have buckteeth? They stick out like a sore thumb.” - Wow, that was a harsh thing to say to someone you barely know.

he should had heeded back in the Mojave - Should 'have'.

Even though Cerberus would bring Shepard back from the dead, blood will still be spilled, fighting would continue, and many lives will be lost. - The two instances of 'will' should be 'would'.

It's good to know Shepard is safely at the Lazarus Project with Cerberus—as safe as anyone can be with Cerberus! I love how curious you portray the Courier as, and he's got a bit of an attitude, too. I still think I'd like to see more shock and awe at where he's found himself in the ME universe, so different from the things he's grown accustomed to. Liara seems to have really grown to care about Ethan and value his opinion, will there be something more there between the two of them? Interesting choice having Miranda suggest to Liara that she become an information broker.

6/10/2018 c4 MosaicCreme
I'm having a little trouble with picturing exactly where Ethan was when he talked to the Blue Suns because it didn't seem like he was on the docks, nor are Omega's docks set up the way the Citadel's docks were in ME1, so how did Lynch's ship get to Ethan? It wouldn't have been able to fly into the asteroid's station itself. Also, since Ethan isn't from the ME universe, it's really odd for you to be naming off so many ME universe weapons by name when writing from Ethan's POV. There are a few places where you slip into present-tense although the rest is past-tense.

When he inspected, leaning toward the window, the blue spot became a police box, spinning around with no inertia. - Ha! Are you bringing Doctor Who into the mix, it isn't listed in the fandoms for the story. Or is it just a little cameo moment? Either way, I adore the Doctor, so this made me smile.

This continues to be an interesting story. It's kind of cool seeing crossovers, sometimes, seeing how characters from one universe adjust and adapt to another. Grood chapter!

4/18/2018 c6 73Celtic Knot
A fitting conclusion to the story. I liked Ethan’s reflections on what hed learned—and what he should have learned—from his experiences. And Liara’s anger at him (“I won’t let you forget what you did”) was perfectly in character, and just a bit unsettling. Well done!

4/6/2018 c4 Celtic Knot
The TARDIS? Are you bringing The Doctor into this, too? This is turning into quite the wild ride! Looking forward to reading more!

3/5/2018 c1 7Esper17
“the facility had popped out of the ground like a mole rat during mating season.” - XD - great analogy.

“he would tell her to add a trip through a fucked-up wormhole to the list of disasters the Pip-Boy could withstand.” - Those things are totally built like tanks.

The scene with the mugger in the alleyway was a good mix of Fallout welcome to Mass Effect. So many times did people attack on Fallout all I would do is turn and shoot them and then loot the bodies. It was in interesting mix between the two in which the Courier got attacked as soon as he got there.

Liara and Feron! God, I love Feron. I can read about that man all day. 3

So far I enjoyed this, and plan on continuing. The crossover is interesting and caught my attention. Your witty dialogue between the characters had me grinning and holding on for the next thing to escape their lips.

I look forward to the Couriers journey with Liara and the sexy drell. It’s interesting that you chose the journey to find Shepard’s body as a place to write about. I’m very excited to continue reading.

2/19/2018 c2 73Celtic Knot
Your characterization of the Illusive Man is dead on—I could hear his lines in his voice. And I really like how you’re weaving Ethan into the story. Well done!

1/20/2018 c3 20MosaicCreme
“Neither Liara and I are familiar with Omega,” Ethan pointed out. - And should be nor.

The first several paragraphs are all pretty short and create a sort of monotone flow to the chapter, I'd suggest combining some where you can. Using gender-neutral pronouns and things like "the body" and "it" detract from the story for me, because it seems like they—Liara especially, being so close to Shepard—would personalize Shepard's corpse with "his/her body" etc.

The elcor bodyguard was still here - You've been writing in past-tense, so here should be there.

“They better not have any dancing corpses, or I’m gonna be upset.” - Lmfao. Well, he's gotta ask since they're hunting down a body, and the place is called Afterlife!

He wasn’t used to this type of music. - This is present-tense.

“That’s we’re trying to find out.” - Missing what.

I happen to take advantage of that - Happen should be happened.

Below the sign was graffiti that read: Fuck like a krogan! - *gigglesnort*

large orange pill bottle - When listing adjectives, they need to be separated by commas. In this case, a comma goes after large and after orange.

biped in shape and male - That only rules out hanar and elcor. Biped just means they walk on two legs.

Liara followed suit, her fall being a little clumsier. She landed close to a wall, and so she grabbed hold of it to steady herself. - I would think Liara would've surrounded herself with biotics to slow her descent and land silently the way she and Samara do in the games.

He popped back up and fire at the merc who shot him - Fire should be fired.

The huge salarian haven’t moved a muscle since the crates blew up. - Haven't should be hadn't.

He could stay here and hold his ground with Liara and Feron, fight the Blues Suns until they either retreated or were defeated, but he wasn’t sure they could hold them all off. - There instead of here.

If Tazzik and the others flee, they will take Shepard’s body with them. - Fled instead of flee, and would instead of will.

so that left another way out his Stealth Boy. - I suggest using a comma or a colon after out.

Two of the mercs quickly taking Shepard’s pod to Tazzik’s ship. - Took instead of taking, otherwise the sentence is incomplete.

He told he was sorry - This should be, "He told her that he was sorry"

The large salarian took his attention two more mercs - The large salarian turned his attention to two more mercs.

What a great, action-filled chapter! I love it. I'm still at a loss when it comes to the Fallout related stuff, but it doesn't feel like it's slowing me down as I read. I got a few good laughs in there, and I grinned at Ethan smarting off to Aria.