for Chlorobenzene1/1/2013 c2 
2CitizenOfHedwigpolis
Oh, yay
It's still a bit too bare for my liking, but yay update
I'll PM you my proper critique, not in the mood to do that yet
2CitizenOfHedwigpolisOh, yay
It's still a bit too bare for my liking, but yay update
I'll PM you my proper critique, not in the mood to do that yet
12/21/2012 c1 CitizenOfHedwigpolis
Oooh! Yay!
*rubs hands together in anticipation*
I'm a real Benzene Series aficionado, see, and it's always wonderful to see another person's take on it. I wonder, are you going to take Toluene, Luka's song, into account?
On the story itself... I feel that more could be done with it. Maybe a little more description, and you need to clarify the mood and tone of your writing. There was no... feeling to it, see. Bringing us more into Rin's emotions might help.
It would also be cool to see something from Len's point of view, seeing how he thinks of his actions as "justice".
On another note, please make your summary more descriptive. It will get you more readers. If this had been about a song series I wasn't addicted to, I wouldn't have opened this.
Oooh! Yay!
*rubs hands together in anticipation*
I'm a real Benzene Series aficionado, see, and it's always wonderful to see another person's take on it. I wonder, are you going to take Toluene, Luka's song, into account?
On the story itself... I feel that more could be done with it. Maybe a little more description, and you need to clarify the mood and tone of your writing. There was no... feeling to it, see. Bringing us more into Rin's emotions might help.
It would also be cool to see something from Len's point of view, seeing how he thinks of his actions as "justice".
On another note, please make your summary more descriptive. It will get you more readers. If this had been about a song series I wasn't addicted to, I wouldn't have opened this.
12/20/2012 c1 7Lapis Kagamine
That is a very interesting way of seeing the chlorobenzene series Σ( )︴
So cool! lol(:
7Lapis KagamineThat is a very interesting way of seeing the chlorobenzene series Σ( )︴
So cool! lol(: