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1/13/2016 c5 Deathwonderwish
well i really hope to read more of tue story, is really cool bit there is the one thing i dont understand, why is toshiros scarf white? it is green in the anime
5/12/2015 c4 Whatifpotatoes
sorry, this is me screaming in computer format
1/27/2015 c1 89TheAnimeZankyou
Your story seem promising but there are many things that make me doubt my thoughts.

I want to help you, so im trying not to sound mean so please don't take offence if I sounds harsh it's not my intentions.

First: please fix your grammar. You aren't capitalising at the start of sentences nor do you have captailise peoples names.
Second: I would suggest that you look at the bleach Wiki if you need to help how to spell the Captians names. It is Captain Ukitake for example. I see what you are meaning but it will throw people of your story.

Third: your formatting, many story aren't usually centred as it doesn't give the story structure.

I don't want you to think that this is a flame as it's not. I would love to continue on but as you can see my reasons I can't. Many people might not tell you or they will be harsh if they do tell you. I know that you are human and we tend to make mistakes but we also learn and that's all I am trying to help you improve your foundation of writing.
1/27/2015 c4 7Fanficqueen306
I cant wait to read them then
1/27/2015 c4 coolmon16
Hey don't delete them I think this is pretty good, punctuation regardless, so even if your choose to stop writing it out, at least leave it up.
1/5/2015 c1 Haku
At the risk of being mean I think you should go back to school and learn English again.

There are serious grammatical errors, your spelling is horrendous and the structure leaves a lot to be desired.

The concept was good but the delivery; it seems like it was written by a 7 year old. Grade 3 level at best.
11/19/2013 c3 wolfblood00
such a great story plz add more
3/31/2013 c3 coolmon16
hey this story is really good, I can't wait till the next chapter
3/11/2013 c3 Guest
I love it update update update!
(See what I did there?)
3/13/2013 c3 1FreeTraderBeowolf
For the love of God,find yourself a beta.
3/2/2013 c1 ulsha
Sorry but I cant get past the first 100 words since so many of them are misspelled including names and first you say 2 years after the winter war then 10. Then you have Captain Yamamoto (Captain Yamato is a Naruto character) saying "well have you got any idea where she is or what she is doing right now?" out of thin air. How does he get a she? Why did the 10 years thing matter? Are you implying Masaki? Where does the question even come from? There appears be an entire missing conversation.

hearte , cretain, petrol these are not the words you intended. It appears you ran spell check on the first half but didn't reread it after you typed it out.

Please use capitals on sentences and proper names.

Please use punctuation on each sentence. ("" doesn't count you still need . or ? or !)

Slow down, breath, reread your work after a short break. The story is grand and detailed in your mind but you have to take the time to let your body write it out or all we get is confusing jumbles and flashes of story line.
3/1/2013 c3 bunny hat 14
even though it was sort it was really good give your self more created anyway update when you can
2/26/2013 c3 somethincatchy
take all the time you need.
12/31/2012 c2 Franzis-chan
I am german .This story is really cool and exiting I want Tod know what happens next so pleeeeassse update!
12/30/2012 c2 Franzis-chan
Nice story you should going on. It is nice and well Tod read and a very good Beschreibung habe your I am in do not know Beach word
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