for Konoha's Three Jinchuuriki3/26 c5 KIDLOCO
Well i sory i now really wrote sotry cuz i am innjail for touchingnl litle bois lul i am also a gay
Well i sory i now really wrote sotry cuz i am innjail for touchingnl litle bois lul i am also a gay
7/2/2021 c5 KIDLOCO
Funny I forgot my password again lol and I getting back too to writing, but now gonna do in Spanish everything, so gonna translate everything I had in English to Spanish, I tired to get insulted for my English and shit..., same name of my account lol, now trying to do a light novel too lol but I had others I did before without knowing lol, but welcome back
Funny I forgot my password again lol and I getting back too to writing, but now gonna do in Spanish everything, so gonna translate everything I had in English to Spanish, I tired to get insulted for my English and shit..., same name of my account lol, now trying to do a light novel too lol but I had others I did before without knowing lol, but welcome back
7/2/2021 c5 KIDLOCO
congrats man and welcome back
congrats man and welcome back
5/29/2021 c1 ghostr
its perfect story im in the page 1 but i love it
its perfect story im in the page 1 but i love it
5/29/2021 c5 thor94
if you continue or rewrite this story, i hope you plan to give naruto his family prodigy talent (especially in elemental ninjutsu and fuinjutsu) and a powerful bloodline on rinnegan level (as useful and versatile)
if you continue or rewrite this story, i hope you plan to give naruto his family prodigy talent (especially in elemental ninjutsu and fuinjutsu) and a powerful bloodline on rinnegan level (as useful and versatile)
11/8/2016 c1 Guest
Could there join gaara village
Could there join gaara village
11/1/2014 c5 
1Ordo-Silver
Hey, I checked out your stories before I responded to your review and I like how this one turned out so far, I'll be waiting for the revised version of it. Good luck
1Ordo-SilverHey, I checked out your stories before I responded to your review and I like how this one turned out so far, I'll be waiting for the revised version of it. Good luck
7/3/2014 c5 MinaChambers
Hey I just finished reading the story and other than a few spelling errors(not trying to be rood I'm just super O.C.D. sorry.) it's great, and I was wondering if you were just going to change the chapters or if you wrote an entirely different story. If so, I'd love to know the name and continue reading this great story.
Hey I just finished reading the story and other than a few spelling errors(not trying to be rood I'm just super O.C.D. sorry.) it's great, and I was wondering if you were just going to change the chapters or if you wrote an entirely different story. If so, I'd love to know the name and continue reading this great story.
1/7/2014 c1 3Talena Mae
I will be blunt here so I apologize in advance if anything I type upsets you. m(_ _)m
I know people like to make their own changes to the cannon, just to give it their own twist or make it how they would like it to be written.. However I'm tired of seeing it.
You have been given the whole world of Naruto to play with... How about something no one has seen before, use the characters, use the world, but try to put a new spin on something that has been used over time and time again to make it your own. It really does not matter if you follow the original plot or not if your story is well written...
You have missed your capitalization on a few of your sentences, you have forgotten punctuation on a fair few of them too. You must remember spaces too, take the last line in 'chapter one' for example; "Thank you old man for everthing,"naruto said and with that said he and Sakura both turned and ran from the village and off into the night.
I would have done something like this: "Thanks old man." Naruto turned to have one last look at the village.
"Thank you for everything." Sakura said bowing before she took Naruto's hand, together they turned their backs on the village and ran down the road, the darkness of the night swallowing them up swiftly.
Or something along those lines... No offense, but I won't be continuing to read this story.
Talena, a member of Critics United.
3Talena MaeI will be blunt here so I apologize in advance if anything I type upsets you. m(_ _)m
I know people like to make their own changes to the cannon, just to give it their own twist or make it how they would like it to be written.. However I'm tired of seeing it.
You have been given the whole world of Naruto to play with... How about something no one has seen before, use the characters, use the world, but try to put a new spin on something that has been used over time and time again to make it your own. It really does not matter if you follow the original plot or not if your story is well written...
You have missed your capitalization on a few of your sentences, you have forgotten punctuation on a fair few of them too. You must remember spaces too, take the last line in 'chapter one' for example; "Thank you old man for everthing,"naruto said and with that said he and Sakura both turned and ran from the village and off into the night.
I would have done something like this: "Thanks old man." Naruto turned to have one last look at the village.
"Thank you for everything." Sakura said bowing before she took Naruto's hand, together they turned their backs on the village and ran down the road, the darkness of the night swallowing them up swiftly.
Or something along those lines... No offense, but I won't be continuing to read this story.
Talena, a member of Critics United.
1/5/2014 c1 13Trace Reading
This is complete garbage and I don't know why you posted it.
Go back to school and really pay attention this time.
13Trace ReadingThis is complete garbage and I don't know why you posted it.
Go back to school and really pay attention this time.