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11/26/2015 c1 Shani8
Very cute. You have some minor grammar and spelling errors, but this is pretty good for your first effort! :)

I look forward to reading more from you.

-Shani :)
2/19/2013 c1 24Befham
You need to work on your punctuation.

" Love you too Commander".

should be

"Love you too Commander."

During a conversation, you need to start a new paragraph when somebody new is speaking.

" Are you enjoying yourself baby, do you like everything". Steve asked making sure she was comfortable." Yes Commander everything is amazing thank you for ths wonderful night". Kono said thankfully while getting up to sit on his lap and kiss him with all she had.

should be

"Are you enjoying yourself baby, do you like everything"? Steve asked making sure she was comfortable.

"Yes Commander everything is amazing thank you for the wonderful night," Kono said thankfully while getting up to sit on his lap and kiss him with all she had.

Otherwise this is a great start for your first story.. my first story makes me cringe when I look back at it. Keep working at it and take the advice that readers give you or get a beta and your writing will be perfect in no time.
1/21/2013 c1 Guest
Sorry but I gave up reading the paragraphs are wayyy to long learnt to cut them and the dialogue up :)
1/8/2013 c1 Bushy4
Very cute. Danny's comments are hilarious
1/8/2013 c1 7FaithfulJourney
Hey guys I hope you like it sorry for the mistakes and if you have any idea's for a next story pm me or review bye
1/8/2013 c1 roxtonissexy
it was good.. but you did make a few mistakes by missing some words out... but i enjoyed it. look forward to reading more stories from you in the future...

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