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9/17/2015 c2 9Vile Slanders
Interesting. POV from a mon's perspective?
You must like mental exercises.
Your characters are rich, though some of the details pertaining to both them and the setting feel a little vague. The story is written for a 'T' audience, so there is probably a reason for that.
Your universe seems to fortify the canon, but the character exchanges are quite a bit more deep than the standard morass.
It is a little too early to ascertain the plot, or the character motives, but there are plenty of hints dropped in the story that betrays an agenda.
With what little I have to review, my only criticism at this point is-

...Write some more. Give me something to work with here. You have an interesting idea, and the apparent skills to pull it off.
I'd like to see where this goes. Strain your brain and add to it.
5/30/2015 c1 21PINKMOON25
i dont like your story
1/9/2015 c1 4Jeremy Hillary Boob
Hello, and good day. I come from WA's review game.

So, let's move into the fic. And the first thing that strikes me is the summary. In my opinion, I think it's a bit too vague. I mean, from my experience, the idea that a trainer gets involved in a world-threatening conspiracy has been done many times before. In my opinion, you need something to make it stand out from the rest, something to draw people into it, to make them think this is different from the other pokémon world conspiracy fics out there.

Moving into the story proper, I'll tell you I loved the opening paragraph. I think it's a very good reflection on what a caught pokémon might think about wild ones. The following ones contain very good descriptions, and I really liked the stench comparison with Gloom's waft. I found it funny.

The characters are also interesting. Rose initially semed to me as a strong and protector pokémon, but after reading the whole chapter I'm beginning to think she's more of a sadist, if only because of her behaviour with the Purrloin and her determination to incinerate any coming Deerling. Being ready to burn a herbivorous pokémon down is a very disproportionate answer to something that isn't even a threat to their trainer.

Maybe you could say she's a "protector sadist" type, who won't hesitate to destroy anything that endangers their beloved. And the last sentence of the fourth to last paragraph seems to confirm it.

I also liked her reactions and thoughts about human technology, specially the Storage System. They really look like what a pokémon would think of modern technology.

About Mitchell, well, we don't really know a lot about them, apart from the fact that he is someone who treats pokémon with love and respect. But I'm sure his personality will be developed in later chapters.

The dialogues felt natural, and those swears at the end make it more realistic. However, the bit in pokémon tongue... I don't really know what to say. Part of me finds it good, because it reminds me of the dialogues between pokémon in the anime, but another part wonder if it could have been put as something like "Do as the human says..." I told him in our tongue.

And, finally, I really like the ending. I thnk it's a very efective cliffhanger. You show us Rose's trainer is nervous, but we really don't know why. It catches the readers' attention, and it makes them want to continue reading to discover why is he so nervous.

So, to sum up, I think this fic is well written and readsworthy. I also can't help but notice it hasn't been updated in a very long time, so I hope i's not abandoned. In spite of the plot already being done, in my opinion it's an interesting read.

JHB
6/29/2013 c2 3774473974937497
Good work on this chapter! It's better than the first one, so keep up the good work!
6/29/2013 c1 3774473974937497
Interesting story you have here. The only thing that confuses me is the "Flar, flarRE-on. Flareon."
What on earth was that? Still, this was very good.
1/30/2013 c2 1TheNinja4000
Awesome story! Can't wait to see what happens.
1/30/2013 c2 13Rukia Siry
Nice job on this chapter! I really like how you portrayed things from a pokemon's perspective - they refer to their trainer as "Master", simplify the human names for objects like pokeballs, and whatnot.

Just wondering, how did Rose find out she was immune to lava? They went by Cinnabar Island, which has a volcano, but you made it sound like she was uncomfortable and unused to her immunity to fire. With that in mind, it's hard to believe she would just jump into the lava (or even fall in on accident) or why they would be in the volcano in the first place.

Good job on this chapter, hope to see more!
1/11/2013 c1 157Farla
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[ Every time we get remotely near one it bounds off further into the woods. The seem utterly unperturbed by our existence but determined to completely avoid us none the less. ]

That's not really how being unperturbed works. If they really were, they wouldn't be reacting to the two at all.

["Flar, flarRE-on. Flareon." I growl, my voice slightly muffled by the Purrloin's fur. ("Do as the human says, or I will tear out your throat.")
I do not like to lump Master in with the other humans, but I want to make sure that there are no misunderstandings when dealing with these ignorant wild younglings. I bite down on it just a little harder than necessary to reemphasize the point. Arriving back at Master's feet, I drop the Purrloin in front of him. I take my position beside him, but prepare to spring the instant the creature tries to escape.
"Great job Rose, it looks like this one's a keeper," Master says. With a warm smile and outstretched palm, he tries beckoning to the frightened kit. "Well hey there little fella. Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you. My name is Mitchell, what's yours?"
"Purr... loin?" it meows in wide eyed confusion. It glances at me nervously, backing up slowly. I flex my claws deliberately, as if daring the Purrloin to make any sudden movements. To its credit it decides to stay put, but its expression becomes more panic stricken with each passing moment.]

My, this is creepy. She's so devoted to the guy she doesn't feel the slightest empathy for any other pokemon, even one she's identifying a a kid. All that matters is Master gets exactly what he wants.

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