for Immunity9/12/2013 c2 
79T'Liana
So far I like it. There's a lot you can do with it. What part are they up to in the journey?
79T'LianaSo far I like it. There's a lot you can do with it. What part are they up to in the journey?
1/13/2013 c2 11Vault108
I like this but you may want to tone the oc down a bit. She seems too perfect and I hate having to say that as I dislike when I happen to put out a chara who is too perfect and folks say something about it, but yeah. She just... knows everything about them, can leap through sleeping dwarves with ease, can shoot bullseyes, can knock Kili's sword right away after no training, and so on. Too perfect and 'better or as good as' the dwarves.
Oh man I hate writing that but constructive help is always good. Give her some faults, but not too many. Give her some strengths but not too many. Make her a good equal balance of 50/50. This tale has great potential; it's just the 80% perfect oc that is dampening things a little.
11Vault108I like this but you may want to tone the oc down a bit. She seems too perfect and I hate having to say that as I dislike when I happen to put out a chara who is too perfect and folks say something about it, but yeah. She just... knows everything about them, can leap through sleeping dwarves with ease, can shoot bullseyes, can knock Kili's sword right away after no training, and so on. Too perfect and 'better or as good as' the dwarves.
Oh man I hate writing that but constructive help is always good. Give her some faults, but not too many. Give her some strengths but not too many. Make her a good equal balance of 50/50. This tale has great potential; it's just the 80% perfect oc that is dampening things a little.