Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Skye's life

1/19/2013 c3 20Kusanagi Laevateinn
Great, great! I actually skimmed it, I'm mentally exhausted due to math lessons hahaha.

By the way, you might want to put bold or italic, and enters after the Skye's PoV thing.

...Ah, and also bold for the Author's note. You could use the copy-paste thing when submitting a document and put line breaks, too! It's quicker and prettier in my opinion!
1/18/2013 c3 Gsjjrurhsjfjdjdjf
Very cool chap dont worry...
I didnt like the swear part but whatever its ur fic...
And dont worry bout the cliffhanger...
Its oki with me...
But anyways...
You showed Teruos character how I wanted..
Perfect...
Wish you good luck...
See ya.
1/18/2013 c3 4MasterofYou
That was nice chapter (except for the swearing) but anyway you're right the chapter is short. And stop leaving u with cliffhangers!
1/18/2013 c2 Gsjjrurhsjfjdjdjf
Hey cool chap really... Again...
Sorry for late review...
I didn't saw it... Gomenasai...
Anyways...
Totally cool chapter... And I still think it's a veryy cool fic...
Keep the good work up...
Wish you good luck...
See ya.
1/17/2013 c2 MasterofYou
Thanks you for updating! And thank for putting my OC in the story! I really appreciate it! :) also the cliff hanger was pretty good! It's not as bad as it seems. :D keep up the good work !
1/17/2013 c1 Gsjjrurhsjfjdjdjf
This is A SOOO awesomest story...
It's an original idea...
I LOVE IT...
It's very cool and amazing for ur first fic...
You sure are through my favorites from now long...
Keep writing and so ur best...
Wish you good luck...
See ya.
1/17/2013 c1 20Kusanagi Laevateinn
Hey! For your first story, I don't think this is bad, at all! Quite the contrary, it was pretty good.

And although you've said that this is an AU!Fiction, I think you should add something in the A/N to help people understand. I was kind of confused when Endou came in, and then suddenly Kariya, and all of that.

And you also missed some punctuation there. Also, I think you should tweak Skye a little. She seems like a bland Mary-Sue, and Tsurugi and Kariya seems a little off of their characters.

"We followed after him he went directly to the commotion. "Skye-chan!" He shouted towards Skye as electricity surrounded the girl and she cried out in agony. He was stopped by Fifth Sector goons who had only emotion in their eyes, Guilt.

"What are you doing to her?! Skye-chan doesn't deserve to suffer anymore!" We stared as the others showed up. "Oi! What's the meaning of this?!" Hibiki-kantoku shouted over the noise, he took a step forward as he saw the girl in front of us on her hands and knees grunting in agony. She was clawing at the spot where her heart would be."

This part, I was really confused. Who said this, who said that?

And the part about "It was Skye's interpretation of Hokkaido", I'm not so sure. You could add a little description, maybe?

But overall this is a great fic! Do your best!
1/17/2013 c1 4MasterofYou
Do you accept O.C's?

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service