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2/11/2020 c1 stacyleedam25
Please update this story is so good and can't wait to see what happens next
12/3/2019 c1 Guest
press ctrl alt delete
11/6/2019 c1 annie
wow this is short
10/10/2019 c1 Unknown
7/20/2018 c1 BJM
Very good, I would just like to enquire as to why there are multiple Jaspers? As much as I enjoyed this piece of fiction it is not conhesive with the Twilight canon. Over all solid 8/19, extra points for fixing the Furry Problem, no yiffing in MY fanfiction. I don't dirty my mind. Would have liked more kinky vampire sex. TY.
6/9/2018 c1 J.K.Rowlings
This is bad.
10/4/2017 c1 Jasmineapplesaucepenguins
It's spelt 'Rowling' not rolling
Sirius smiles and pull her over? that doesn't make sense
this is too hard to read because of the grammar...
you need to get a spell check system or something PLEASE
the plot wasn't THAT great but...
7/23/2017 c1 Guest
6/14/2017 c1 DickLover69
I want more sexual content
12/13/2016 c1 6XxKonspiracyxX
Oh my lord... sorry, but this is terrible.

The grammar is awful.

Needs to be checked for typos. "Butterbeef" made me laugh my ass off.

Those five or six lined story segments are not chapters. They're insulting to those of us who actually strive to make full-length, quality chapters.

You have two segments labeled "chapter 5."

The idea is rotten in a way that over-injects a magic story with something supernatural, which is highly uninteresting and unnecessary, and the whole thing is just horribly written. i can't even understand half of it.
9/10/2016 c1 bigbootiebitches
I enjoyed the character development. However, some criticism:
1. There are two chaper 5s. Do you know how to count: 1,2,3,4,5,5,6
, why do you capitalize every noun.
what is with this bullshit of not having paragraphs. is this a play or just a story?
5/20/2016 c1 suck my dick
literally worst fan fic ive ever read. 10/10 would bang carlisle again
11/11/2015 c1 15Scarlet Lupin
The grammar needs some work but other than that and seeming a bit brief it's a great story
7/21/2015 c1 4slashmaster420
When the ends happen I LOOK SHOCK
7/7/2015 c1 Guest
i dont know what twilight is so this is confusing
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