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for The Return of Ahsoka

7/1/2014 c1 Learnfrom it
Your writing style is painful imo
6/11/2014 c21 261gunman
Yes, short, and it's kind of interesting, but you could have used a beta on this.
Still, it's nice to see where you are in this story.
Good work, and having Ahsoka with Leia will make it easier for things later on.
At least Leia isn't alone this time. Ewoks notwithstanding.
Write on.
4/27/2014 c20 49Shiranai Atsune
please update!
4/12/2014 c20 silverwolf
have Ahsoka go on about how cute the Ewoks are
2/16/2014 c20 261gunman
While still a good read, it's still a bit shorter than what one would expect.
Some of your speeches and sentences are also quite short, as if you were in a hurry to get them out.
Also, I'm not sure you are using your adjectives and verbs correctly.
For example: "They both took a breath and de-active their light sabers."
It should be: "They both took a breath and deactivated their lightsabers."
But that's just me.
It's little things like that which would make this story a lot better, in my opinion.
Still, you're going at a good pace here.
Keep up the good work.
Write on!
2/15/2014 c20 Jegan1138
1/29/2014 c1 29lycan13
Ahsoka and Han? Intresting.
1/28/2014 c19 261gunman
As cute update to the story. Though, honestly, you could have made this longer than was previously suggested.
At any rate, it was a good pairing and a good read in the death of Yoda and the conversation with Ben. If nothing else, it was worth the read.
And thanks for giving me a mention in this.
Write on!
1/27/2014 c19 Jegan1138
1/27/2014 c19 BolbiXJimmy4Lyfe
with all do respects mr. or miss bestoftherest I for one think that a certain story about a scarlet speedster and the woman in his life should be updated.
1/8/2014 c18 gunman
Hmm. The commentary and description of the story itself was a little dry. Not much changed from the original, other than Ahsoka being there.
Also a couple of other things:
This is supposed to be 'Ahsokas POV', but there is at least one instance where you mention 'Ahsoka and I were watching Luke fight some of Jabba's guards'. Like it was supposed to be Leia's perspective.
Then there was the moment you had Ahsoka call Lando 'Uncle Lan' when he has his leg captured by the Sarlacc Pit. Was that intentional?
Also, the creature that is attacking C-3PO is not a bird.
Furthermore, in the first part of the story you said 'All of Jabba'. I mean, really? All of Jabba doesn't need to be elaborated upon.
There is a lot that needs to be corrected, especially grammar and some spelling. Still on a good course here.
Write on!
9/24/2013 c18 Jegan1138
I really like this story when you get to the part with the endor strike team you include the names like Nik Sant and cpl Develar and have them talk to ahsoka.
8/17/2013 c16 silverwolf
please continue
7/21/2013 c16 camewtwo
oh will Ahsoka get one of those metal bikinis.
7/21/2013 c14 camewtwo
not bad, grammar problem, pretty accurate.
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