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for Konohas true secret weapon the sunset of youth

8/19/2020 c1 Guest
This is totally unintelligible. I don't mean the ploy, I mean what passes for writing.
4/18/2014 c1 Guest
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!
12/20/2013 c1 2Nicanna
well this was adorable owo
please use punctuation though, it was slightly difficult to read it. and don't hesitate to abuse the enter key either. your grasp on the language is quite good.
the only problem i can see (well, apart from the obvious lack of proofreading) is with the flow. you usually don't want to include TOO specific details like '2km' or 'half and hour ago', as it kinda prevents the story from flowing smoothly. these kind of things would be nicer for the reader to speculate themselves.
cheers, though. i giggled most of the way through the story.

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