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for a saint in daten city

7/23/2013 c1 4Mirage Shadowfox
dude I think it was too short, and take it easy on the guy
6/15/2013 c1 Guest
Man, this story is unreadable. At least make it's grammar good.
6/7/2013 c8 30The Pocketwatch Ripper
Once again you fail, to listen to my advice, this time it's even worse, let's take a peek under then hood shall we?
First off, this entire chapter seems rushed... No Master G, no mention of Brief at all, hardly any mention of the start of a race. Also when you mention his tattoo, you can just say everyone not everyone and stocking, as if you're singling her out. Also whilst Panty and Stocking aren't true proper nouns, they are still the girl's first name and should be refered to with a capital letter at the beginning of their names.
Let's see next... You DO know when to separate paragraphs right? You separate them when someone speaks or the subject changes like so
(Bad example)
"I'll join you later" Tom said "great! That'll give me time to suprise Jill" Claire said.
(good example)
"I'll join you later" Tom said
"great! That'll give me time to surprise Jill" Claire said
Not only does it m are your story seem longer it also make you story look more neat and organized.
Also please be more creative with your choice of style say this jack is from place and these guns are from so and so from -name of anime- isn't really original, it's plagiarism. So instead of say Jack's jacket is from movie/game/etc. just describe it. Also again with Jack's expensive tastes, there's nothing wrong with that but would garter be pissed? Since he does the same with Panty and Stocking... Also Jack does not seem intimidating at all with a short description of eerie calmness... Be a little more descriptive of what his feature looked like and what the jock did and said as well as what he looked like. Also Sould Catherine just really appear to him, I mean when it went to Panty and Stocking in episode 6 Chuck was driving so should some be driving Catherine or is she sentient, adding more to the Mary Sue-ness of Jack? Also Angelic weapons take from the form of certain clothing... Aka do not come as guns from the Side of a car. Also your grammar need improvement. I'm not flaming you I am simply giving you advice on how to improve this story. But I seriously advise you take a Mary-sue litmus test or if there is one for Panty and Stocking take that one.
5/31/2013 c1 1AnimeCaptain16
I liked your story. It was good. Keep it up man.
3/10/2013 c1 platitudes
Congrats to your first reviewer. He/She did a fantastic job finding the one thing that makes your story unreadable. Also, there is a thing called a CAPS LOCK BUTTON. That, and your grammar needs improvement. Overall, unless you change these things, I can't read this. Sorry.
3/8/2013 c7 30The Pocketwatch Ripper
Ok I'm sorry, I usually don't you profanity on reviews but this is.a f*cking joke. I'm sorry but Jack is far too perfect, he's fit has guns and a katana, usually charters are named after clothing (i.e.: Scarf, windbreaker, coat) Stocking, instantly loves Jack... Which is bull foremost. Also the demon sisters like him too? You're just exceeding the Mary-sue limit, also there is inconsistentcy does jack have.a Boston and an Irish accent also half angel really? I'd suggest you take a litmus test and re do the story

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