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12/5/2013 c8 Basket in a Nutcase
Can't wait 4 next chapter! This. Is. SO. AWESOME!
Yes, I am a Pegasister, and I'm proud of it!
10/19/2013 c8 14Angst-BuriTTo
More more !
10/9/2013 c5 theOneWithout
Danny: clockwork meat the guy trying to destroy time, apocalypse meat the ghost master of time apocalypse: shit!
8/28/2013 c8 8Blaze Grayson
Awesome
8/22/2013 c5 Rey Paloma
I wanted to enjoy this story, really, but it just isn't working for me. The premise certainly seems to have potential, and the content doesn't seem bad. My only real issue is the overall writing style. First and foremost, the sentence structure seems oversimplied. There is only so much one can write in first-person, granted, but the short statements that present only the barest of details quickly aggravated me. Still, I pushed forward with the hope that the writing would improve, as I have seen with so many authors on ff. The introduction of Clockwork and a proper conversation did steer the quality in a positive direction. Then, I read Rogue's accent, or rather, I tried reading Rogue's accent. It is understandable to try and write in an accent as it sounds, but there has to be a balance between the way it is spoken and the way it is properly written. In addition, I would like to point out that it seemed somewhat jarring that Danny is so quick to reveal his powers so willingly. Secrecy and caution with potential enemies seems to be a very large part of Phantom's characterization, not to mention that he should still be emotionally insecure after being "tortured" by his parents. It is too early in the story for me to speak of character development, but if how little the experimentation affected Danny is any indicator, than much remains desired. Even without character development this early, insights into Danny's thought process would be great. One of the most significant things about first-person writing is the ability to give the complete perception of an event from a single character, even if it is wrong objectively. The writing style for this story seems to have skipped over that, almost attempting to present an objective list of actions and reactions from a first-person point of view, and it seems unstable at best. Despite what I hold against the writing quality, my curiosity is enough that I will likely return when I am more patient, and I do hope to see improvement. No story with a decent premise should completely fail because of inadequate writing.
8/18/2013 c7 shugokage
Good luck on your recovery and interesting story!
8/15/2013 c8 14goodgirl275
I don't know what to say. I love the chapter, update when you can? I don't think so. Well, something along those lines ;-P
8/15/2013 c8 1tray125
awesome
8/15/2013 c8 Zon Yokai Blade of the Spirits
Oi not that I'm complaining but you should get more rest alright.
8/14/2013 c7 NorioX
i lov it keep going!
8/10/2013 c7 2pizzaintensifies
Oh... Well, I hope you get better soon! I was going to go all out pissed at you.. but..
7/28/2013 c2 2SilverWolf01
Why dose evety body like My Little Pony thats weird
7/17/2013 c9 Guest
Good story update it soon please.
7/16/2013 c9 shin obin
Keep going on this awesome story!
6/27/2013 c9 3Doublesims
It as great until you added Dani
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