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for Naruto: the chakra molder

5/12 c10 Guest
Trash. Just Trash. Your vocabulary is weak. The story is rushed to hell with a metric ton of plot holes. The writing is just lazy. The absurd amount of authors notes throughout the story is absolutely redundant and ridiculous. You spend more time explaining the storyline and the logic behind it with authors notes than you spend on the actual story. If you wanted feedback on a rough draft you should have started with that.
5/12 c9 Confused Reader
This chapter is more authors notes about the future plot than story to build the plot. You don’t want to rewrite some of the canon parts but you are also changing bit of the canon and not explain why. If you had written out the parts that you are omitting, just made your own original changes, and did a better job of explaining the scenes you wouldn’t need to keep interrupting the story with authors notes every other paragraph to explain your logic and why certain things are happening in the story. The story would just make sense. You are ruining the immersive experience. why is Shino explaining anything about Naruto when they have never spoken, interacted, or been around each other once since leaving the academy? It’s all very VERY FORCED. The personality for all of the characters is about the same. There is no quirkiness to any of them to really tell one characters tone from another.
Also we get it he is in a CRA why must it be continuously thrown out there. No one is told about his clan status until he makes chunin okay fine. Why did you put an AN explaining to us why the counsel did it instead of saying so previously as a protection for him when they had the meeting about it or even explain that later in the story why the secrecy was needed? That would have made more sense than a paragraph long AN.
5/12 c5 Guest
Why the need for so many authors notes? Why not just tell the story in a way that what would have been in the note is just understandable in the story? If an AN is needed why is it a whole long paragraph. I can also understand skipping through some canon parts and not wanting to rewrite them if they are the same as in the anime, but these cut out parts could have been changed up and used to explain Naruto’s character growth and some of the relationships he has with people. Instead it’s a rushed mess of events that barely make sense together. Then you have the characters over explain everything mentally and out loud. On top of that why is Naruto so okay with not only these girls ransacking his private space on multiple occasions without permission, reading private documents, Haku just giving his information all away, forcing him to give up more private information, but Tenten calling him a liar sends him off the rails mad? This makes no sense. This story has so much potential to be great. It’s a great concept but so far very childishly written. I will continue as far as I can tolerate to try and give this story a fair overall review. So far 3/10 wouldn’t recommend
4/25 c5 kingpj999
I like the story but let me give you a tip, you really need to improve your vocabulary, all the characters are expressing or talking in the same demeanor that there isn's any difference except for their names. You need to show every character's quirks when they talk for example Naruto hyperactive and joyful personality or Haku/Hinata's calm/shy demeanor respectively.
3/16 c6 Sahamosveb
Very naive and illogical.
2/29 c18 Yerr
So Naruto didn't learn the ransegan with 1 hand
2/29 c12 Yerr
Aight nigga we get it Naruto is inna cra bruh go on wit the the plot for fucks sake tf am I reading a slice of life fanfic?
1/19 c1 FlawedBauthor
Lmao you were really trying to act like you had an original story being published when this is how you were writing? This is crap.
1/7 c2 Brendan Slater
Karin used the chakra chains in the fourth great ninja war dont know if that was anime only though
11/29/2023 c3 Lo wyatt
The chakra chains weren’t a bloodline they only talked about kushina having them
11/5/2023 c8 2Zabyne
Wanted to enjoy this. But the absolutely insufferable need to pop in 5,000 authors notes in the MIDDDLE of every other paragraph completely and utterly ruins any immersion. Sad to have to stop, had hoped it got better.
10/27/2023 c83 10Wolfone10
Actually... That makes incredible sense.. For Ayame to be in the group now has an actual purpose... It's really ingenious... GREAT JOB. You actually RAISED tsunade's intelligence in my eyes... Something I thought was outlawed on this site (they usually have her as GROSSLY unqualified for the job, unless she's just bad-shit crazy), it still makes the last few chapters VERY confusing... But hey the author liked the girl... So whatever. Again, nice one.
10/26/2023 c80 Wolfone10
FOUR TIMES... SAME PROBLEM... There is that "pest"... Er... "friend" again.
10/26/2023 c79 Wolfone10
Tsunade's "explanation" is VERY, VERY flimsy... It actually DOESN'T MAKE SENSE AT ALL if you REALLY think about it. I could see this being the thing, if it was one of the "great 5", another kingdom like in stone of gellel, if it was something similar.. But this doesn't really track, nor does it make sense to be EATING UP this much of the Leaf's resources and, more importantly, TIME... Bigger things going on and all... Plus naruto having to spend time with his "REAL" wives. With Shizuka, you forget Naruto has not only "risked his life for her" but he did it TWICE! FOR THE SAME REASON... Not a great way to start a relationship... Friendship? (for her, yes I see that, a crush, or more SOMETIME).. For him? Yeah, MAYBE, but this is pushing it.. (not for the pregnancy, but because of the TIMING of the this, because the old toad devoted SO MUCH time to this ridicules "problem", instead of helping prevent THE HUGE AMOUNT OF WORLD ENDING PROBLEMS and because this is the THIRD STRIKE for "helping" with the EXACT SAME PROBLEM)... Example: If you had a "friend" that you only EVER, I MEAN EVER saw, was because they needed money from you... Would you STILL consider them a "close" friend?(oh, and you had NO past with them, no "years of shared memories"). Now in this SAME circumstance.. You had "mentors" that you could REALLY, REALLY use the advice from, but you could NEVER talk to them, because they were busy thinking of ways to help this SAME "friend" get more money, wouldn't you be SICK TO DEATH of hearing about that "friend"?
10/26/2023 c77 Wolfone10
Seriously? This no-name, pain-in-the-ass AGAIN? Why is the "no nothing village" so important to not cross for the LEADER of the "big five"? THEY HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW! Plus Naruto has ALREADY "solved" this problem TWICE!.. If the woman won't "budge" and her village "won't budge"... And they are THAT important?.. Have her do the HONORABLE thing and take her own life already! The WORLD is in trouble, her little village DOESN'T MATTER.
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