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for The Kariasi Crusade

6/19/2019 c15 3Another S.T.A.L.K.E.R
Another chapter for his most vaunted!
7/11/2014 c15 19BIBOTOT
9 out of 10.
Ah yes a whole new chapter in the war for Kariasi. This is looking good so far, especially the action and the description of those mad Chaos cultists. However, the characters feel stereotypical, with the Commissar being overzealous and the Inquisitor being all mysterious and stuff. I would like to see some dramatic development on both main protagonists in the future.
I am glad to see you back. Emperor guide your writings.
2/24/2014 c14 BIBOTOT
All in all, it is a good end to an epic series.
The fighting is finally over, but the wounds have been done and Kariasi would never be the same. Those damn commissars. Honestly there should be a special rank entitled to shoot any commissar who is incompetent. If anyone knows why GW add commissar to the Guards, who are modeled upon the well-disciplined British troops, please tell me.
For the next arc, you might want to post another story altogether and leave this one as completed. That's just my opinion.
2/24/2014 c13 BIBOTOT
10 out of 10.
That was epic. Very good fighting as always. The last part was the best. Just when everything seems to be OK, one of our main character succumbed to the Ork. In Warhammer 40k, it is the suddenness of death that is truly horrifying.
Overall, nicely done.
2/20/2014 c1 1thedogwithapen
Hi, reads quite nicely, the flow and pace is good, I kept reading. I'm not sure where your chapter heading came from (although I do like it, just can't see the relation to the chapter). My main comment is that there is no real story question, we know they are gearing up for a battle, but you kind of tell us in the first para who they will be fighting. It feels like this should be chapter 2 or 3, with this chapter setting us up a bunch of interesting questions that the story will answer as it unfolds. Hope this helps,
1/21/2014 c12 19BIBOTOT
10 out of 10.
This is the best chapter yet. Such intense fighting. One of the best old-fashioned Imperial Guards story here. You have made the Emperor proud.
7/19/2013 c10 7darkeldar
Much better. Still seeing some spelling and grammar issues, but its a lot better than before. Well done.
7/17/2013 c2 darkeldar
I like the varied perspectives, but I agree that they could be fleshed out a bit more. Perhaps you should stay with one character for each chapter, with a single heading on the top. That would make the reader more involved. Right now it just feels like people are being thrown at me left and right and I'm not sure who I should care about.

You also seem to be repeating certain phrases in paragraphs. This isn't a problem necessarily, but it can break the immersion for the reader. This, along with grammar errors and the occasional spelling mistake, can be easily fixed with proofreading. One thing I suggest to nearly everybody is to read the chapter out loud to yourself. It may take awhile, but you catch any mistakes and you can easily tell if your dialogue sounds stupid.

This sounds a bit harsh, but I only point out my criticism. Anything I didn't mention is good. I especially like the varied regiments, and fleshed out characters. Inquisitor Ranulph was particularly interesting. If you have any concerns, feel free to PM me.
7/13/2013 c10 19BIBOTOT
Looking good so far. Big fight is coming. May the Emperor protect.
6/14/2013 c4 3Panoptikon
Greetings,
I'm a few chapters into your story, and I thought I'd stop for a moment and get some thoughts/comments out before I continue on. I applaud your ambition; weaving a story through the eyes of several regiments' worth of high command is quite an undertaking! Each commander and their guardsmen appear to have their own distinct motivations, morals, and personalities, which is also commendable. Working with randomly generated regiments presents unique creative challenges as well, I can only imagine.

By the same token, I think your ambition might be getting the better of you in some areas. The use of little vignettes, each focusing on different characters, is definitely clever - but for me the rapid-fire introduction of the main cast seemed rushed, and it was difficult to keep track of all the names and titles early on. You've got a lot of cool concepts going on, but they start to fight for attention after awhile. I try to avoid mentioning grammar and spelling in a critique (I still make silly mistakes myself!), but when the very first sentence is a run-on, like it or not, that really sets the tone for what to expect later.

I'm gonna keep on reading now - I enjoy your unique character/regiment concepts, and the overall style of things. When you find yourself writing again, I'd be more than happy to provide some constructive input and even help you out with the more mechanical side of writing, if you'd like. Just a friendly offer - I look forward to seeing what else you've got in store for us eager readers!

-Pan.
6/3/2013 c1 Lloyd
I would cut and paste this entire document into word. It is so full of editorial errors and bad syntax that it's difficult to read.
5/31/2013 c9 19BIBOTOT
One thing I really like about warhammer 40k: Orks crushong never gets old or boring. Good job. You have made the Emperor proud.
4/13/2013 c1 3Lord Sadacchus
Wow...Just read the entire fic through in one sitting.

A solid read through and through. It lacks the epicness and extreme grimdark atmosphere that I'm used to when reading the majority of Warhammer 40k stories. Instead I feel like I'm reading slice-of-life story about the Imperial guard regiments you've fleshed out. The story is kinda...calm and collected, which makes it awesome in its own way. You have made a great piece of work, using a theme (Imperial Guard) that few fanfic authors touch, and filling it with very original characters and Imperial guard regiments that have been fleshed out very well.

Also, I love the writing style, being descriptive, but not wordy. I'm really glad I stumbled upon this story.

Please update. Also, first review, my apologies if the English sounds awkward.
4/9/2013 c3 shruken255
the multi laser is a trench based weapon just like today's machine gun emplacements
4/1/2013 c8 Some Bloke
Will the Void Claws' bear cavalry make an appearance? :-D
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