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for Madoka's Saviours

7/11/2015 c13 1kiarasstars
That was beautiful. I love it!
6/27/2014 c13 the Oracle of Akemi
Thank you for finishing, I already know what happens next...
6/25/2014 c12 the Oracle of Akemi
UPDATE! Please!
6/13/2014 c12 YukaAkemi
Write that last chapter, REALLY QUICKLY! I love this story, and i NEED to know what happens next!
6/13/2014 c12 F.M.Smith
I KNEW IT

I STARTED OUT THIS CHAPTER AND I SWEAR I THOUGHT 'If somebody isn't going to die this chapter, then I'm going to eat my shoe' BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHEN SHIT'S HAPPY IN MADOKA THEN SOMEBODY'S GONNA DIE SOON

UNFORTUNATELY I GUESSED CORRECTLY

BUT STASIA THOUGH

THAT POOR LIL' SWEETIE'S KILLING DISTORTIONS IN MAGICAL GIRL HEAVEN NOW

GODSPEED TO THE REST OF THEM TOO THEY HAD TO WATCH HER DIE AND NOT BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING

AAAAAHH STASIA THOUGH
6/13/2014 c8 YukaAkemi
My fav. would also have to be Anastasia. TELL US HER WISH!
4/20/2014 c10 Yuyuko-chan
Amazing
2/1/2014 c8 guest
another good chapter. i like all the OCs(i usually hate them) glad the cutesy stuff is ending...the time for despair is here and i can not wait!
1/26/2014 c7 Hello
Plz continue !
1/4/2014 c7 Whynnd
Oh please do continue I am really enjoying this story.
1/3/2014 c7 madohomu0111
This story is amazing! I just rarely put reviews up on stories, and others might be the same way. BTW, after watching rebellion, I can no longer associate Beebe as your incubator oc.
5/28/2013 c4 18FaustAlexander
Well it was nice, and its great to see them having some respite from all the pain, the Puella Magi Universe isn't made for weak willed.

Sammy is a likable character, great to see more from her.

Wonder what Homura will find there.
2/21/2013 c1 12DappledKarma
Well, that was interesting. I'd definitely like to see more of this. It was generally pretty well-written in terms of grammar and punctuation, and neat with sentence and paragraph structure.

Something that I think could help you improve this story though, is "showing" rather than "telling." You ever heard of that saying? Either way, I'll show ya what I mean.

This line here:

Sammy was now battling her closing eyelids.

It's "telling" your readers what's going on with Sammy's eyelids, rather than showing us what's happening. Why not show it? Showing makes the readers more invested, more inclined to immerse themselves in the story you've created, forgetting that they're reading and are not in the story itself! XD

Instead of saying how Sammy was battling her closing eyelids, why not say something like, "Sammy's eyelids felt heavy, but she tried to keep them awake."?

See the difference? With showing, the audience isn't being explicitly told that Sammy was struggling to keep her eyes open, yet we come to the understanding that she is, based on the actions and descriptions the words give us. With telling, you just flat out say what's going on leaving the readers their conclusion without all the actions and descriptions - in other words a little dull. So at least to me, "showing" makes the writing feel more organic. Well, I guess it also depends on what you're trying to accomplish in the scene.

I realize I'm not giving a great example of "show" vs "tell", so I'll leave you a link to something that will hopefully help you out.

pcwrede blog/show-vs-tell/

Oh, in regards to the story, this is supposed to be after the anime, right? So why are there Witches, and not demons/wraiths (whatever they're called) instead? Perhaps this prologue specifically takes place before that, though. If so then that makes sense. Other than that, the story is fine. Can't really say much about it yet.

I do hope you continue this.
2/21/2013 c2 14Markus Ramikin
Interesting. I had never thought of someone being able to see the transition from the "old world" (witches) to the new one like that: fighting a witch one minute, and then being in a fight with demons the next. This is making me think.

For instance, does Sammy remember the "new past" (what had happened in the new world before the transition moment, the new history that the other girls remember) in addition to the old world's past? Is she going to have trouble because of being out of sync with her friends, a lack of shared memories?

Anyway, this is quite decent; the writing shows more care than a lot of other fanfiction, and I find myself curious where you're going with this. Not too mention it's always a bit of a relief to read something with good grammar, spelling and paragraphing.

Though I'm not 100% happy with Madoka's characterisation. Stuff like... for example all the "kinda" and "gonna" just rub me the wrong way. But maybe it's just that I have a different conception of her Goddess persona, so don't take that as a huge criticism.

Anyway, please continue.

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