for Another Teacher2/2/2022 c1 Guest
You keep switching tenses in the middle of sentences
You keep switching tenses in the middle of sentences
4/10/2021 c6 
9HarkinTheDestroyer
I really don't think that your plot is a 'mess'. If anything, I would say that it is beginning to come together! Good job!
9HarkinTheDestroyerI really don't think that your plot is a 'mess'. If anything, I would say that it is beginning to come together! Good job!
2/17/2021 c5 3Artful Lounger
Well, this certainly is interesting and you're doing a decent job of keeping folks in character which is better than most. There are some minor nitpicks, one more substantial one.
Namely that Dumbledore probably would have used apparition to travel to/from Diagon Alley rather than risk saying the address out loud.
Minor ones would be along the lines of Allen getting robes from Diagon Alley if he's supposed to be blending in. He can hardly go around in his Exorcist uniform if he wants to stay low-key.
Probably the biggest critiwue though is the amount of waffling on going on. Seriously the last two chapters have very little substance. Yes certain things were established like Central's dislike of wizards and heavy handed monitoring, but that could have been done much more succinctly.
Its not bad and has tge potential to be pretty good, but I must recommend you get a move on.
3Artful LoungerWell, this certainly is interesting and you're doing a decent job of keeping folks in character which is better than most. There are some minor nitpicks, one more substantial one.
Namely that Dumbledore probably would have used apparition to travel to/from Diagon Alley rather than risk saying the address out loud.
Minor ones would be along the lines of Allen getting robes from Diagon Alley if he's supposed to be blending in. He can hardly go around in his Exorcist uniform if he wants to stay low-key.
Probably the biggest critiwue though is the amount of waffling on going on. Seriously the last two chapters have very little substance. Yes certain things were established like Central's dislike of wizards and heavy handed monitoring, but that could have been done much more succinctly.
Its not bad and has tge potential to be pretty good, but I must recommend you get a move on.
12/6/2020 c5 15Fairygirl34
I’m super excited for more of this story! Looking forward to the next chapter!
15Fairygirl34I’m super excited for more of this story! Looking forward to the next chapter!
8/2/2020 c4 Fish
Loved this chapter. Your characterisation of Lavi is so good it reminds me why I love him! Excellent job. Take your time with the chapters, don't pressure yourself :)
Loved this chapter. Your characterisation of Lavi is so good it reminds me why I love him! Excellent job. Take your time with the chapters, don't pressure yourself :)
6/20/2020 c2 2Caesar704
Wait. How old Allen is currently?
.
There's still no surprise. But read about how they go to Olivander and get their wand is never boring, I especially love that part!
2Caesar704Wait. How old Allen is currently?
.
There's still no surprise. But read about how they go to Olivander and get their wand is never boring, I especially love that part!
6/20/2020 c1 Caesar704
AWESOME! ... I think I remember read this story but I forgot the plot, but whatever this re:write look so Great!
AWESOME! ... I think I remember read this story but I forgot the plot, but whatever this re:write look so Great!
6/19/2020 c2 Fish
I'm so excited to see this fic starting up again! Loving the build-up and consideration of these chapters so far. Take as much time as you need to write it.
I'm so excited to see this fic starting up again! Loving the build-up and consideration of these chapters so far. Take as much time as you need to write it.