for You Touched Me!10/12/2013 c1 
161Lillielle
D'awww. That was rather sweet. Granted, a bit unrealistic, especially with the end, I can't really see Draco being quite like that, and feeling more healed after simply one conversation with Hermione. But...
Ron's quite a git in the beginning of this. And the sad thing is, I can see him being that way, even in canon. :/ He really has a habit of letting his prejudices cloud everything else, doesn't he? The war's over, Ron. Draco wouldn't have been allowed back at school if he was "just a Death Eater and no better than Voldemort."
I like Hermione standing up for him, that was lovely. :)
161LillielleD'awww. That was rather sweet. Granted, a bit unrealistic, especially with the end, I can't really see Draco being quite like that, and feeling more healed after simply one conversation with Hermione. But...
Ron's quite a git in the beginning of this. And the sad thing is, I can see him being that way, even in canon. :/ He really has a habit of letting his prejudices cloud everything else, doesn't he? The war's over, Ron. Draco wouldn't have been allowed back at school if he was "just a Death Eater and no better than Voldemort."
I like Hermione standing up for him, that was lovely. :)
9/30/2013 c1 58sleepy queens
Although the conclusion was cute, this fic didn't quite do it for me. There were several spelling and grammar errors.I recommend getting a beta, as they really detract from the story. The biggest problem with this was that everyone was so out of character... Even if he's being harassed, I couldn't see Draco being that mopey and whiny. His character is undistinguishable. Ron's character was butchered. Completely. While Ron does show incredible amounts of loyalty and stubbornness, he's not the type to fully antogonize someone like that. He'd be more likely to just ignore Draco. I definitely could not see Ron pushing the Crabbe point. Even if he was meaner than in canon, that point seems to hit a lot closer to home than what Ron would say. He would be more likely to chastise Draco's abilities in something less personal, such as Quidditch. And the whole "touching" plot point seems a little juvenile and unlikely to lead to that. However, if this is how you envision your story, you can have these things happen. What has happened to Draco over the years to cause him to become so weak-willed? What happened to Ron to make him so nasty? "Good" characters can easily be antagonists, but, to do so convincingly, there needs to be a lot more background information. Hermione was easily the best written character here, but I think you still need to expand a little more on her behavior. Has Draco really repented? Or is he no longer a Death Eater because it is no longer legal and accepted? How does Hermione know that? How does the reader know that? I'm sorry if this review seems harsh, but you have what it takes to be a good writer- a desire to tell a story. Along the way, you're going to get critiques that aren't so nice, but I hope you really consider the criticisms instead of ignoring them. I wish you the best of luck in your writing!
xoxo Priya
58sleepy queensAlthough the conclusion was cute, this fic didn't quite do it for me. There were several spelling and grammar errors.I recommend getting a beta, as they really detract from the story. The biggest problem with this was that everyone was so out of character... Even if he's being harassed, I couldn't see Draco being that mopey and whiny. His character is undistinguishable. Ron's character was butchered. Completely. While Ron does show incredible amounts of loyalty and stubbornness, he's not the type to fully antogonize someone like that. He'd be more likely to just ignore Draco. I definitely could not see Ron pushing the Crabbe point. Even if he was meaner than in canon, that point seems to hit a lot closer to home than what Ron would say. He would be more likely to chastise Draco's abilities in something less personal, such as Quidditch. And the whole "touching" plot point seems a little juvenile and unlikely to lead to that. However, if this is how you envision your story, you can have these things happen. What has happened to Draco over the years to cause him to become so weak-willed? What happened to Ron to make him so nasty? "Good" characters can easily be antagonists, but, to do so convincingly, there needs to be a lot more background information. Hermione was easily the best written character here, but I think you still need to expand a little more on her behavior. Has Draco really repented? Or is he no longer a Death Eater because it is no longer legal and accepted? How does Hermione know that? How does the reader know that? I'm sorry if this review seems harsh, but you have what it takes to be a good writer- a desire to tell a story. Along the way, you're going to get critiques that aren't so nice, but I hope you really consider the criticisms instead of ignoring them. I wish you the best of luck in your writing!
xoxo Priya
4/29/2013 c1 321The Crownless Queen
I have to admit I was a bit scared when I read your summary, but you story surprised me :) Perhaps you ought to ease up a bit on the capitals, and Ron sounded a bit OOC, but then he always was a bit annoying and I don't really like him as a character, so that didn't really bother me :p
I think your story could actually have been better had you made the Draco/Hermione part longer :p
But good work overall, it was a nice idea and I can really see Hermione comforting Draco that way - in that strange AU world/thing too many people (in my opinion) seem to like where Hermione belong with Draco ;)
321The Crownless QueenI have to admit I was a bit scared when I read your summary, but you story surprised me :) Perhaps you ought to ease up a bit on the capitals, and Ron sounded a bit OOC, but then he always was a bit annoying and I don't really like him as a character, so that didn't really bother me :p
I think your story could actually have been better had you made the Draco/Hermione part longer :p
But good work overall, it was a nice idea and I can really see Hermione comforting Draco that way - in that strange AU world/thing too many people (in my opinion) seem to like where Hermione belong with Draco ;)
4/11/2013 c1 3PageNineandThreeQuarters
This was awesome! I really liked this one-shot and how you semi-bashed Ron (guilty of somewhat Ron-dislike).
3PageNineandThreeQuartersThis was awesome! I really liked this one-shot and how you semi-bashed Ron (guilty of somewhat Ron-dislike).