for Change for the Better3/18/2013 c3 Hanabi's Biggest Fan
I absolutely loved this chapter, and it really gave me a huge amount of hope for the future of this story. But really? "...before going there separate ways to their homes." That's just lazy! :P
This chapter really did answer the question I had after the first one: "Can a NaruSaku back-from-the-future fic be interesting and well-written?" Yes, yes it can. Keep up the great work, and I can't wait to see what happens with Hiashi and Danzo in the council room, Hiashi being the quiet bad-ass he is.
I absolutely loved this chapter, and it really gave me a huge amount of hope for the future of this story. But really? "...before going there separate ways to their homes." That's just lazy! :P
This chapter really did answer the question I had after the first one: "Can a NaruSaku back-from-the-future fic be interesting and well-written?" Yes, yes it can. Keep up the great work, and I can't wait to see what happens with Hiashi and Danzo in the council room, Hiashi being the quiet bad-ass he is.
3/18/2013 c3 
1Raiza-chan
A little confusing and jumbled up when reading all the explanations, but other than this chapter being more of a "filler" it was still a good read. Can't wait for the next one.
1Raiza-chanA little confusing and jumbled up when reading all the explanations, but other than this chapter being more of a "filler" it was still a good read. Can't wait for the next one.
3/18/2013 c3 24thedarkpokemaster
wow this was a very cool chapter so we know what they are going to do but I wonder what Naruto will do about Nagato and Konan since Nagato in a Uzumaki and both were well are being used by Obito?
24thedarkpokemasterwow this was a very cool chapter so we know what they are going to do but I wonder what Naruto will do about Nagato and Konan since Nagato in a Uzumaki and both were well are being used by Obito?
3/18/2013 c3 4Useful76
This is the ultimate mistake IMO for time travel fics. You tell everything that will happen in the future. Just by telling someone, whether its Sarutobi or just Sakura's parents, what happens it already changes the course of time. there would be no way to predict what would occur from that point on because Saurtobi would make decisions based on these assumptions. Orochimaru would change his plans based on Sarutobi's changes and so on and so forth.
So it was a decent idea, albeit tried many times before, but the execution isn't really well done. Good luck to you though.
4Useful76This is the ultimate mistake IMO for time travel fics. You tell everything that will happen in the future. Just by telling someone, whether its Sarutobi or just Sakura's parents, what happens it already changes the course of time. there would be no way to predict what would occur from that point on because Saurtobi would make decisions based on these assumptions. Orochimaru would change his plans based on Sarutobi's changes and so on and so forth.
So it was a decent idea, albeit tried many times before, but the execution isn't really well done. Good luck to you though.
3/18/2013 c2 Useful76
Too many 'fan-girl' references. We get it. They were technically fan girls to the general audience for the real manga. To make a good story though, you want to try to keep the reader engrossed in your world and not ours. There is no mention of fangirls or fanboys in the anime or manga.
If you want make not of Sakura changing her habits drastically, you can do a more subtle approach. there's no need to have her just throw all of Sasuke's stuff away and then profess her undying love to Naruto the very mintue she gets there. She's a ninja and one of the ninja's main attributes is stealth. To reveal that she no longer likes sasuke and loves Naruto while also showing she's inexplicably more powerful all of sudden ruins the element of surprise she would have over others. There is an art to keeping ones mouth shut about secrets. I would think that the future hokage and his wife would have matured enough to know not to go around acting like they know everything. The mizuki scene is an example of that.
A little too drastic a personality change for both of them to go through for a village of ninjas to not be suspicious of them being spies.
Too many 'fan-girl' references. We get it. They were technically fan girls to the general audience for the real manga. To make a good story though, you want to try to keep the reader engrossed in your world and not ours. There is no mention of fangirls or fanboys in the anime or manga.
If you want make not of Sakura changing her habits drastically, you can do a more subtle approach. there's no need to have her just throw all of Sasuke's stuff away and then profess her undying love to Naruto the very mintue she gets there. She's a ninja and one of the ninja's main attributes is stealth. To reveal that she no longer likes sasuke and loves Naruto while also showing she's inexplicably more powerful all of sudden ruins the element of surprise she would have over others. There is an art to keeping ones mouth shut about secrets. I would think that the future hokage and his wife would have matured enough to know not to go around acting like they know everything. The mizuki scene is an example of that.
A little too drastic a personality change for both of them to go through for a village of ninjas to not be suspicious of them being spies.
3/18/2013 c1 Useful76
For a first chapter it's ok. It sets the premise of what your are doing. It could use a little more detail and emotion though. This reads like an outline for the key points of the story. Naruto and Sakura beat obitio. Kyubi wants them to go back in time. Mention daughter. Ino sorry about the past.
No real emotion involved just event a to event b to event c. Take your time and add a lot more detail to each scene that way it will give the reader more insight as to what the characters are feeling.
For a first chapter it's ok. It sets the premise of what your are doing. It could use a little more detail and emotion though. This reads like an outline for the key points of the story. Naruto and Sakura beat obitio. Kyubi wants them to go back in time. Mention daughter. Ino sorry about the past.
No real emotion involved just event a to event b to event c. Take your time and add a lot more detail to each scene that way it will give the reader more insight as to what the characters are feeling.
3/12/2013 c2 random
YAY! I've been waitng for this update and it's finally here! I love how Naruto kicked Sasuke's ass LOL that was my favorite part. I hope you update soon, I'll be waiting anxiously! :)
YAY! I've been waitng for this update and it's finally here! I love how Naruto kicked Sasuke's ass LOL that was my favorite part. I hope you update soon, I'll be waiting anxiously! :)
3/12/2013 c2 Hanabi's Biggest Fan
So this is the reward I get for following you as an author - yet another interesting story to read. I never really did like the NaruSaku pairing, but when she's written intelligently and with charisma like you do it, it's a nice change of pace from all the NaruIno and NaruHina I normally read.
Just don't make her melons at all big. Sakura is one of the few girls who is blessed with a flat chest (especially at academy age), so don't ruin it for those of us who like that about her by making her just the same as all the other big-breasted girls in the Narutoverse.
So this is the reward I get for following you as an author - yet another interesting story to read. I never really did like the NaruSaku pairing, but when she's written intelligently and with charisma like you do it, it's a nice change of pace from all the NaruIno and NaruHina I normally read.
Just don't make her melons at all big. Sakura is one of the few girls who is blessed with a flat chest (especially at academy age), so don't ruin it for those of us who like that about her by making her just the same as all the other big-breasted girls in the Narutoverse.
3/12/2013 c2 16SoapBox Bill
great story looking foreward to more. it kind of reminds me or eroslackermicha's story blondes have more fun only with sakura instead of ino. too bad that story got purged i really liked it. keep up the amazing work!
16SoapBox Billgreat story looking foreward to more. it kind of reminds me or eroslackermicha's story blondes have more fun only with sakura instead of ino. too bad that story got purged i really liked it. keep up the amazing work!
3/12/2013 c2 24thedarkpokemaster
Not bad I love the start and that you didn't make Sakura mum a bitch like so many other Sasuke getting his ass handed to him was sweet and Ami well I know Sakura will get her own back on her,
24thedarkpokemasterNot bad I love the start and that you didn't make Sakura mum a bitch like so many other Sasuke getting his ass handed to him was sweet and Ami well I know Sakura will get her own back on her,
3/12/2013 c2 Jose19
I really love Time Travel fics like this, and I like this Sakura more than the messed up that Kishimoto created because he ruined this character completely, and so far the story has been great so please update as soon as you can.
I really love Time Travel fics like this, and I like this Sakura more than the messed up that Kishimoto created because he ruined this character completely, and so far the story has been great so please update as soon as you can.