Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Beloved

12/29/2020 c22 natalater2013
I Love it and make more chapters please as soon as possible please and make it fast please as soon as possible please
6/24/2020 c1 1Kimura Tsukino
I’m sorry but I don’t believe I can continue reading your story.
I guess I’ve become more nit picky about writing because I just can’t bring myself to read anymore even though I made it to chapter 18.
Don’t get me wrong, you have a good idea and mostly good plot line it’s just how it’s written that bothers me. The sentences don’t flow together very well, for it seems too... jerky? Shaky? My brain isn’t giving me the right word but I’m sure you know what I mean.
I can deal with a few misspelled words and a little bad grammar here or there, because everyone makes mistakes. Despite that I can’t seem to overlook those things when it’s happening in almost every other sentence.
Even though my main issue is the two things mentioned previously, there is the matter of how a decent amount of the characters are portrayed.
Now I know we don’t see much of the kings canon wise and therefore there’s less to work with when writing them, but there is still a baseline given for their characters that seem to be clashing too much for me. That’s not mentioning how you’ve portrayed both Edward and Bella.
I’m aware that many things switch around or change with fanfics and I’m no stickler for canon myself, but if you’re going to have Eddy do a complete 180 personality wise it’s best to lead up to it rather than do it so suddenly. That or at least showcase the reason why he mentally snapped ina well written manner.
As for Bella, I get that she has issues with how she sees herself and those thoughts are to be expected for someone going through depression, but to have those thoughts constantly reiterated over and over with little variation even when evidence of it being untrue is shoved directly into her face and constantly shown toward her... it irks me for some reason.
It’s not my wish to come across as too harsh or mean, but trying to express how I feel without breaching the thin line between constructive criticism and flaming is a rather tricky thing to accomplish. I apologize before hand in case I did inadvertently end up crossing that line.
Despite the frankly monstrous review I left, don’t let my words as a reader affect your enjoyment for writing. I saw several reviews others have left and most of them seem to love this story even if I can’t bring myself to feel the same way, sadly.
3/27/2020 c22 Roxhall1
Please update soon and have all 3 of them change her so she can use her powers to save everyoneget revenge on the asses trying to harm her and her Volturi family
11/26/2019 c22 Roxhall1
please update soon
11/15/2018 c22 Guest
AW! PLEASE CONTINUE
!
4/13/2017 c22 1rebeccaharris
please update soon
3/25/2017 c21 2Peacelovefairy
Me like a lot more please thank you
12/23/2016 c22 Peacelovefairy
Oh man I'm loving this more soon
7/19/2016 c22 1WhoLoves2ReadAlot
Awesome story, so far! Love it! Hope you get a chance to write more
3/28/2016 c22 Jessica Love1
Love this Awesome story!
I would love to read more when you have time to update!
Why is Aro so angry?
How is the rest of the Cullen's going to act towards Edward as well as Bella?
9/10/2015 c21 Guest
More!
8/13/2015 c22 TwilightSVU
Love it can't wait to read more of it.
6/2/2015 c22 DragonFire Princess
WOW!
3/2/2015 c22 1B4bidden
Dam this story was starting to get really good wish you would update pls
2/17/2015 c22 1PrincesitaVulturi
me encanta
257 Page 1 2 3 4 11 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service