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for If I Was In The Akatsuki re-write

3/20/2014 c6 4KittyTheDemonHostess
Sorry that I haven't read this yet, Anna! Military life has made me unnecessarily busy! I do believe I have a few pranks in mind, though.

1. Because he hasn't been messed with yet, Sasori's puppets and puppet body should end up with missing/extra parts that shouldn't be there.

2. Zetsu needs a sign attached to him that says, "Hello, my name is..." and have a ridiculous name attached that everyone starts calling him

3. HOT pink hair dye in Deidara's shampoo. That is all.

4. Cotton candy/baby sugar pink hair dye in Hidan's. Or neon orange... not sure, lol

I like the re-write so far :) Oh, and for some more Itachi and Kisame revenge, how about attaching them together, skin to skin, with krazy glue? I don't care how tough someone is, that stuff HURTS to peel off. XP

Just my little bit of input :) -Kitty-
9/7/2013 c1 Deathkid
It's pretty good
9/6/2013 c1 Deathkid
It's not as good as the original but it is pretty good.
9/6/2013 c1 Deathkid
It's not as go as the original
9/5/2013 c1 Deathkid
It is pretty good
9/5/2013 c5 Deathkid
It's not as good as the original
7/12/2013 c3 11etsunara
I squeed when Hidan appeared in the doorway. My lovable little teddy bear _ lol

I liked this one.
7/12/2013 c2 etsunara
Let me just say, I do believe "thru" should be spelled "through". Sorry, I know you'll hate me for saying that, but it was the one thing that was bugging me.

Anyways, everything else was good.

Personally, I would have gone more in depth in the meeting, but that's just me. What you have is fine.
7/12/2013 c1 etsunara
I seriously didn't remember this and it's fantastic!
3/20/2013 c2 God of a New World
Hm...This is an interesting idea. I like the concept, even though it's rather common these days.

The grammar seems to be fine so far, save for a few mistakes I picked up. But those are minor, and can happen to anybody.

The bad part is probably the flow and pacing. Sometimes you go fast, and then slow it to a screeching halt. It's rather lame, like I'm on a malfunctioning train. Let me tell you, it is NOT fun to be on a malfunctioning train.

And I don't understand the 'Jade' parts. Is she supposed to be like Inner Sakura?

Either way, besides the rather horrid flow and the confusing Jade, this story is nicely written so far. I'm following.

-Primary Protagonist

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